


the big mistake of dancing in my storm

by halseys



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe, Disability, M/M, suicide references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-04 15:00:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10281644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halseys/pseuds/halseys
Summary: Aaron decides to become a volunteer carer after Jackson's death to use his experience to help others - he just wasn't expecting to meet the blonde whirlwind that is Robert.





	1. Prologue

His mum thought it was a terrible idea. Though, Aaron Dingle was never one to listen to his mother.

Signing up to become a carer wasn't even his idea at first - it was Edna's. He'd struck up a friendship of sorts with the old lady down the street, apparently bonding over being gay and having a gay husband is a _thing_. Aaron had to admit he's felt he'd deserved a little more sympathy from the woman than he received but she'd been more blunt than anyone else he'd encountered - _Jackson's gone, you have to move on or be miserable forever. Maybe make the experience into something good, use it to help others._ And Aaron thought that was a damn good idea.

So that's how he found himself stood in the reception of Janice's Care Home for the Disabled. Aaron had tried to make an effort for his first day, shirt and tie, shoes polished. Cain had even joked if he was off to court and hadn't told him. Nobody in little old Emmerdale would probably be surprised - a Dingle in court was almost a weekly tradition.

"Ah, Aaron," With friendly smile Janice makes her way over to him, holding out her hand for Aaron to shake, "Lovely to see you again."

"You too Janice."

"Follow me, sweetheart." The greying lady leads him into the common area. He observes the room around him, there were people of all ages, both men and women. Some in wheelchairs, some resting on the sofas. He felt a nervous buzz rush through him, as his entrance caused a few looks and stares around the room.

"For your first day, I thought it would be best for you to be in here - meeting the patients and getting to know some of them. Maybe play some games or just talk - whatever they'd prefer." Aaron bites down on his bottom lip, nodding along with Janice's words. He searches the room for the sweetest looking old lady he could find, only to be disappointed to find the only old lady scowling at him. Janice places a hand on his arm, leading him around, before introducing him to a man sat by the television.

"Simon - this is Aaron." The man gives him a nod, "it's his first day, maybe you could help him out." He just grunts at Janice. Aaron figures Janice must bring all the new people to meet Simon first, like standard protocol.

"Sit." Simon demands, looking at the seat beside him, Janice pats Aaron's back as he moves to follow Simon's instructions. The lady smiles, giving Aaron a ' _you can do this_ ' encouraging  look. Aaron grins back, but her smile falters as her gaze catches something behind him.

"That is the fucking ugliest tie I have ever seen." A voice behind him grabs his attention. His mouth gapes as he looks at the man who interrupted them - he was gorgeous. Blonde hair, blue eyes and pouted pink lips. His blue shirt was pressed, and tucked into his black trousers. His sleek black wheelchair was probably worth more than most of Aaron's possessions.

"Aaron - this is Robert."


	2. 06.04.2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (In this story Aaron doesn't know Victoria or anything about Robert)

Aaron could feel Robert watching him from across the room, his gaze was intimidating and Aaron thought if looks could kill, he'd be dead. The game of chess set out before him as he plays with Donald, though he has no idea how to play, he assumes Donald is just letting him win.

"I need to go to the bathroom." Donald announces, Aaron probably looks at him like a deer caught in the headlights - he wasn't expecting this on his first day.

"Okay Donald, um," he bites his bottom lip, seeing Janice occupied with someone else and another carer, Hannah, who currently had her hands full with the daily medicines, "let's go." He'd done this for Jackson, but having to do it for a stranger - it was different, and Aaron thought it was almost less awkward than with Jackson, at least this man's pride wasn't being destroyed as much as Jackson's seemed to be at the time.

This man needed help, just like Jackson did and he was going to give it - however he needed to.

"Why are you here, wiping arses of invalids?" Robert appears in the doorway as he's doing up Donald's trousers, though the old man didn't seem to mind the interruption.

"Robert. Do you need the bathroom?"

"No," he snorts, "I can do that myself." He glances at Donald, as if looking down on him, like he was better than him, and Aaron hated that. This man was vile and rude, everything Aaron hated.

"Do you need any help at all?" Aaron grits his teeth.

"Why would I want help from you?" he scoffs, shaking his head.

"Did you lose your manners in that accident too?" _Shit_. The words were slipping out before he could stop them. He watches Robert's eyes go wide.

"You can't say that to me!"

"I just did!" His grinds his teeth, helping Donald out the bathroom, and back to their game of chess, leaving Robert watching after them.

•

An hour later, Aaron watches as a young girl rushes out of Robert's room in floods of tears. She's wiping at her face to hide it, but he can still see the redness to her eyes, and the gasps she's making to try and hide her sobs. He watches as he runs into the arms of Grace, one of the carers. The lady rubs at her back, they're clearly familiar with each other and he assumes that from what he'd seen of Robert's attitude this wasn't the first time he'd upset this young woman.

He wonders if it's his girlfriend, maybe she was struggling with having a disabled boyfriend now, Aaron knew his disability had been the result of a car accident. He knows how it feels for your whole life and things you'd planned to completely change in the blink of an eye.

It's times like these he hates how his heart swells with sadness for the girl. He doesn't want to be involved but his legs are already moving and he's already stood in front of Grace and Robert's visitor before his brain has had time to stop him.

"Are you okay?" He keeps his tone soft and tender, reaching a hand to rest on the girls arm. She nods, her sobs now settling as small whimpers.

"Yes. Thank you."

"This is Victoria. Robert's sister." Grace introduces them, "and this is Aaron, our new volunteer."

"Sorry to meet you like this," Victoria sniffs, "this isn't a good first impression."

"There have been worse." He smiles softly, handing her a tissue.

"Thank you," she takes it, giving him a watery smile, "he's not all bad." she says, as she watches Aaron look to Robert's now closed door. "He's been... difficult, since the accident. Who am I kidding? He was difficult before, but this has made him ten times worse." she shakes her head, "he keeps telling me not to come back, but I can't just leave him with no visitors. I'm his sister. Maybe he doesn't need me, but I need him." Aaron bites his bottom lip, although he'd only had a brief encounter with Robert he knows the man has a sharp tongue.

"Do you want me to have a word?" Aaron blushes as Victoria seems to laugh at him, maybe he was silly for suggesting that.

"Robert won't listen to anyone." She shrugs. "But you can tell him I'll be back next week and the week after that, and so on and so on. I'll always be here." Aaron nods, huffing a breath through his nose before walking over and tapping on Robert's door.

"Go away Vic."

"It's- it's Aaron. The new volunteer."

"What do you want?" He grumbles.

"Can I come in?"

"Do what you want. Everyone else does." Aaron turns the handle, taking a tentative step inside. Robert is laid on the bed, covers pulled up to his waist, and a tshirt covering his chest.

"Why are you in bed? It's 3 o'clock?"

"I'm ready for this day to end."

"But you haven't had dinner." Aaron hovers by the wall, knowing he's not really welcome in here.

"I don't care."

"What do you care about?"

"Not about anything you have to say," he rolls his eyes, "what is this? You've only been here a day and you're trying to psychoanalyse me."

"I'm trying to help."

"Yeah. Like all those before. I don't want help, I don't need help! I want to be left here alone."

"Then you'll have a miserable life." Aaron knows he shouldn't speak to a resident like this, but he can't stop himself. He's thinking of the young woman outside in floods of tears, and knowing there must be shred of a good person inside Robert if she won't give up on him.

"I've had a miserable life since I had to start using that." Aaron watches as Robert glares at his wheelchair.

"Maybe you shouldn't make other people's lives miserable too, like your poor sister; just because you can't deal with your injury!" Damn, Aaron wishes he could control his temper a little better, knowing Robert would make a complaint about him.

"Why do you even care? You couldn't make your boyfriend want to live so you're trying to help others? Pathetic." He scoffs.

"W-what?"

"I saw it in the papers. Recognised your face the minute you stepped in here."

"I am trying to help."

"If you couldn't help the closest person to you, how are you gonna help me? Huh?"

"I don't know. Obviously nobody could make a difference to you." Aaron shakes his head, disappointed at himself for letting Robert get to him. He steps out the room, closing the door behind him, determined to help make a difference to everyone else who wanted him around.

Screw Robert Sugden.


	3. 13.04.2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments & kudos, I really appreciate it x

Aaron's progressive duties began to include taking each residents meal to their room, or if they were sociable he would take them to the dining room where a group would eat and chat. A few of them couldn't lift their arms to eat, so Aaron would sit beside them, feeding them small mouthfuls at a time and wiping their chins if any spilt. Eileen was one he'd had to help regularly, she was getting on for 90, and had little use of her arms as they'd grown weak, and she could only use her wheelchair to get around. But she had a wicked sense of humour, and he didn't mind her one bit, if it were up to him, he'd spend all day just sat with her.

As he finishes helping Eileen with her meal, he finally catches sight of Robert wheeling himself into the room. He hadn't seen Robert in almost a week since their last incident and Aaron was pleased to keep out of his way, but couldn't stop himself turning to look if he caught a flash of blonde hair out of the corner of his eye.

"Now that boy is a shame," Eileen turns her lips upside down as she follows Aaron's gaze, "so much to live for but he's wasting it. If only I could be in his position."

"Mm," he agrees, it makes Aaron feel guilty, all the pain he'd gone through coming out as gay, then finding and losing Jackson had hurt so badly and he'd tried to kill himself. He felt guilty for wanting to end his own life when he had so much longer to go, and knowing that Eileen would love to be as young as him again. She wouldn't waste it away. She'd live, hard and fast and just the way she wanted to. "He's stubborn."

"He's vulnerable, love," she places her hand on his forearm, "he's been here so long, and he's always looked so sad. there isn't too many young people here, you might have noticed. I bet he's lonely, I've only ever seen three different people visit him, and in the last year it's only been his little sister who has kept coming." Aaron bites down on his bottom lip, taking another look at Robert. He's smirking at one of the nurses, probably winding her up, but there's a look in his eyes. One he hadn't really noticed before - pure sadness. He couldn't stop the flair of curiosity building inside him.

"Do you know who other two were?"

"Mm," she smiles, shaking her head, "his wife, well... ex wife now, and his lover. He was a dirty dog." Aaron isn't even surprised, he sees Robert as the type who had a long list of lovers, even while being married. Aaron suspects even now he'd probably have a line of admirers.

"But they both stopped visiting?"

"I, yes. My room is next to his, and I heard plenty of the shouting, but I suppose everyone would have heard it. First, it was his missus, Chrissie, she and him were already split up before his accident because of the cheating but she still came, she still cared, but he told her to go and never come back - that he'd slept with her sister and he never really loved her in the first place! He was horrible." Aaron nods, listening intently.

"And the lover?"

"Connor." Aaron quirks an eyebrow at the name, Robert's lover was a man? That was unexpected. "He was a very handsome man. That was sad to listen to actually." She frowns, clearly debating whether to go on, it was a breach of Robert's privacy. Eileen shrugs and continues anyway, not like Robert has ever done any favours for her since he'd been here. "Their relationship was passionate, and once Robert lost the use of his legs, he told him he didn't feel sexy anymore, or like the man that Connor would want. The young lad pleaded with him, that he still loved him and wanted him but Robert just sent him away. He came back a few times but Robert would refuse to see him so eventually he just stopped coming." Aaron takes a deep breath, things about Robert slotting into place. He kind of understood the way he'd react to things - he didn't think it was right, but he understood. It seemed Robert felt as if he went from everything to nothing.

He catches the older man's eye. Robert holds his gaze for a moment, before clenching his jaw, and wheeling himself back to the comfort and safety of his own room.

•

"Do you fancy going into the garden?" Robert had instantly flicked his gaze up from the book he was reading, as Aaron stands at his door, leaning into it so he's not actually in Robert's room. Aaron holds his head high, determined not to shrink under Robert's glare.

"No." Robert turns his attention back to the book, flicking the page.

"Why not? We can get some fresh air."

"I said no." He clenches his jaw, "and I thought you and I came to an agreement the other day that you were going to stay away from me."

"Humour me." Aaron shrugs, "please." He watches as Robert thinks it over, eventually huffing and folding the corner of the page of his book over, and placing it on his table to his side.

"Ten minutes." Aaron can't help but smile, he's nodding promising only for a while. He reaches out to push Robert, only to pause at the scowl on Robert's expression. Aaron pauses, taking a step back and allowing Robert to lead. The garden was Aaron's favourite place on the premises. The home had really gone to town making it look beautiful, it was spring so all the flowers were starting to bloom, and it was an array of colours. Of course Aaron wouldn't usually admit to loving the flowers in the garden, it would hurt his hard man reputation.

Robert wheels himself to a nearby bench, which was sat in the sunshine. He lifts himself up off his chair without any help, and sits himself on the wooden bench. Aaron sits beside him, almost close enough for him to knock their knees together, not that Robert would notice. He glances over at the older man, he has his head tilted back slightly, eyes closed and basking in the sunlight.

It makes Aaron see how beautiful his side profile is; his eyelashes are so long they are brushing the skin under his eyes, his nose perfectly formed for his face, and if Aaron was allowed he knows he'd love to brush his own nose against it. Then, his lips - they were full and light pink, they looked soft to the touch. He admires the dusting of freckles across his cheeks, seeing them already darken in the sunshine.

"Are you staring at me?" Robert speaks without turning his head or opening his eyes.

"No."

"You were." He smirks.

"Prove it." Aaron scoffs, turning his gaze away. "You like the sunshine. Do you come out here often?"

"In Yorkshire, there isn't much time for sunbathing," he smiles, teasingly. He opens his eyes, turning to face the younger man. "But yes. I come out here sometimes. If I want to. Most days I don't." Robert's eyes go a little wider, as if he'd said something he didn't mean to. Aaron hopes he doesn't want to spent all day cooped up in his room. A man this beautiful deserves to be seen. Aaron just nods, this is the gentlest he'd seen Rob and he didn't want to push it. "I do want to apologise." Aaron looks at him with surprise, seeing a guilty look on Robert's face.

"About what?"

"Bringing up Jackson." Aaron's heart stammers, the man had remembered his boyfriend's name.

"It's alright."

"Good." Robert tries for a weak smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes, "I'd best get back, I want to finish my book."

"We've only been five minutes..." Aaron tries, wanting to keep their conversation going a little longer, but Robert's already lifting himself back into his chair.

"It's a long book." Robert turns in his chair, making his way back up the ramp and back inside. Aaron thinks maybe Robert was surprised at how nice he could be when he wasn't trying to be nasty.

•

Aaron wondered why Robert was even here in the first place, it seemed as if he were pretty functional and could do anything he wanted or needed to alone.

"Janice?" Aaron taps his pen against his lips, watching the owner.

"Yes, darling?" She drawls, her Yorkshire accent thick.

"Why is Robert here? He seems capable of looking after himself."

"That's what he leads you to believe."

"What do you mean?" He frowns.

"Robert thinks he can do everything by himself, he doesn't like to ask for help with anything. But, I can't tell you the number of times the carers and I have found him on the floor because he's tried to do something and fallen out of bed, or out of his chair. He doesn't even press the panic button, he just keeps trying to get up himself. He's been laid there for hours before, in the middle of the night, trying to do it by himself."

"That doesn't make sense. Why would he do that? It doesn't make him weak for asking for help." Janice nods, agreeing. He guesses this is a conversation she had already had with Robert. "How long has he been here?"

"Almost two years now. Look, Aaron. I don't want to tell you what to do but I think you should leave Robert be. Everyone that has come here has tried to help, but nothing works. Hell, the man hasn't walked out those doors since he walked in the for the first time."

"He's never left here?"

"Nope," she shakes her head, "we tried. Offered him a hundred different things to do but he refuses every single one." Janice looks up at him, practically watching as the clogs turned in his head. "No, Aaron. There are a lot of people who would appreciate your help and friendship in here, I don't want to lose you because you're trying to fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed." Aaron nods, biting his lip. That's what he had thought walking out the other day, but he wanted to try.

He'd felt like he'd made a little progress today, and he wanted to see how it went. He signed up for this so he could find a challenge, and there was no bigger challenge than Robert.


	4. 20.04.2012

Aaron's unusually early the third time he visits. He can't explain why he gets up at 8am, ready for day, showered and putting one of his favourite shirts on. His mam gives him a funny look as he stomps his way down the stairs, with a little smile on his face.

"You're up early." She comments, raising an eyebrow. Aaron shrugs.

"Yup."

"Any reason?" Chas prods, as per usual, not being able to stop herself sticking her nose in.

"Nope."

"You look handsome," she sips her tea, before biting down on the toast in her hand as she's leaning against the side of the counter, "is that for anyone in particular?" Aaron shakes his head _'no_ '. He'd lost Jackson ten months ago now, and he hadn't been able to set his sights on anyone new since. Yes, he thought Robert was attractive, but he knew deep down he wasn't ready to move on to someone else yet - even if Robert thought he was attractive too (Aaron thought this was very unlikely).

"I'm going to Janice's."

"Right. Take care of yourself, yeah?"

"I think I'm the one that's suppose to be taking care of them." Aaron scoffs, earning himself a sigh from his mother.

"You know what I mean." He knew exactly what she meant. Everyone had been treating him with kid gloves since his suicide attempt and it was beginning to grate on him. Of course he knew it was because they cared, but he was still getting sick of being asked if he was okay and to 'look after himself' a hundred times a day.

"Yes mam. Bye." He steals the toast from her grip, and taking a bite and waving off her protests.

•

He decided to go to Robert first.

Aaron's got his breakfast (eggs benedict - Aaron notices that Rob's the only one who gets this, the others seem to get some kind of slop that resembles porridge. He makes a note in his mind to ask about that later.) He taps his elbow against the door, holding tightly onto the tray, only to receive silence in reply. He pushes the door open slowly, eyes widening as he sees Robert sat on the floor, leaning against the wall where he'd managed to push himself up.

"Shit," Aaron slides the tray onto a side table, rushing to Robert's side. "Let me help you up."

"Go away." Aaron leans down, grabbing onto Robert's arm to help him up despite his argument, only for it to be pushed away, "I don't need help." Robert growls, trying to push himself up.

"Just let me get you back in your bed." The younger man grumbles, leaning further down, putting his arm around Robert's waist and lifting him back into the bed.

"I didn't need your help!"

"Most people would just say thanks." He watches as Robert clenches his jaw, "I brought you your breakfast." Aaron leans over to the side table, picking up the food and settling the tray on Robert's lap. Robert looks up at him, watching Aaron lingering by his bedside.

"Is that everything?" Robert grits his teeth, wondering why he's still in his room.

"I thought we could talk."

"No thanks." Robert turns back to his plate, keeping his attention on his food as if it were the most interesting thing he'd seen, yet he knows there's something - _someone_ \- much more interesting, and handsome, to look at on his left side. "I met your sister the other week."

"That's nice," Robert cuts into his breakfast muffin, "what?" he asks as Aaron stares at him, "you want her number? Didn't think she was your type?"  

"She's not." Aaron grits his teeth.

"Right, what is your type? Dark hair? Nice smile? Big cock, I bet? Do they have to be paraplegic or that not essential?" Aaron's face turns to disgust, he didn't like this side of Robert. The side he got a glimpse of last week was nice, he was something special. This side, it was bitter and mean - no wonder Victoria had run out in tears after speaking to Robert before, Aaron almost felt like crying too. He felt weak by Robert words, but just for a second, before he swallowed it back and was strong again. He'd heard worse. He had a sharp, nasty tongue.

"Fuck you." Aaron knows his voice doesn't sound angry like he means it to, it just sounds sad and disappointed.

"I told you to leave me alone."

"Is that what this is? You're trying to push me away?" Robert stays silent. "What? Is it so bad to be nice to people? To make a connection with someone?"

"Yes," he snaps, "what's the point? Everyone just leaves in the end."

"You never know if you don't give someone a chance."

"Why are you still trying to talk to me after what I just said to you? Are you crazy?"

"Maybe," Aaron shrugs, "people have said worse."

"You must have had a shit life then."

"Pretty much," Aaron tilts his head, taking a good look at Robert, "you'll have to think of a more inventive insult next week."

"I'll have a long think." Robert smirks.

"I've gotta take Eileen her breakfast. Some kind of porridge." He raises an eyebrow looking at Rob's meal. He laughs.

"You get what you pay for."

"I'm sure." Aaron rolls his eyes, going for the door. "Oh, and Robert? I like blondes too." He smirks, feeling as if he's gained the upper hand as he watches Robert's expression turn to surprise as he leaves.


	5. 27.04.2012

"You didn't tell me it was your birthday last Sunday." Aaron comments, picking up the solitary birthday card from Robert's window sill, ' _happy birthday bro_ ' it said on the front with a picture of a little monkey with a pink bow, and a bigger monkey with a blue bow. He didn't need to open it to know it was from Victoria. There was another card beside it, lying face down still unopened in the envelope. Aaron picks it up, fiddling with it in his hand.

"Why? Were you gonna bake me a cake?"

"Might have." Aaron shrugs.

"My birthday isn't something I care about."

"You haven't opened this card." Aaron holds it out to him, but Robert turns his face away.

"I know. Might as well put it in the bin."

"You don't even want to look inside?"

"I know who it's from." He grits his teeth, "Bin it." Aaron shakes his head, putting it in Robert's lap instead. He knows he should follow the instructions from Rob, but he's too curious himself and he can tell Robert would be wondering about what was inside if he didn't open it.

"Don't you want to see what it says?"

"It's from Connor." Aaron feigns innocence, pretending if he didn't know who Connor was.

"Who is Connor?"

"An ex."

"He obviously still cares if he's bothering to send you a card. You should open it." Robert huffs, picking up the card and ripping into the envelope. The card is simple, a black and white photograph of a classic Porsche - not dissimilar to one Robert used to own himself.

He smiles at it, remembering the good times he used to have driving that car, the songs he'd sing along to, Connor's hand on his knee as they drive down country lanes, sometimes looking for a spot to pull over for a little afternoon delight. When he was with Chrissie too - she'd begged to let her drive his pride and joy but he wouldn't let her, and she'd pouted so sweetly until he had to kiss the pout off her lips. They're just memories, but they hurt. They were memories of who he used to be and the freedom he felt like he used to have. Now, he just felt trapped. He opens the card, the writing instantly recognisable.

_To Suggers,_

_Happy birthday. I think about you everyday and miss you always. I hope you have a wonderful day. All my love, Connor. ps. my number is still the same x_

Robert bites his bottom lip. Connor was fun, and it was easy. But it was an affair, it was never love. At least not for Robert, it was pure lust and it wasn't his fault the younger man fell in love with him. Maybe one day he could have loved him, but now it would never happen, he doesn't have enough love for himself, let alone anyone else. Robert rips the card up, throwing it in the bin beside his chair.

"Robert!"

"What?"

"He's making an effort and you're rejecting it. It's not like you have a long list of friends to visit you, is it?"

"Wow, thanks." Robert says sarcastically as he rolls his eyes.

"It says a lot though. You kept turning him away but he kept coming back."

"How did you know that?" Shit. Aaron freezes, his eyes going wider. "Been gossiping about me, eh?" Robert grits his teeth, "was it that nosey cow Eileen?" He speaks the last bit loudly, knowing she was next door and she would hear.

"Hey! Don't call her that."

"So it was her?"

"We were just talking. Not gossiping." Robert shakes his head.

"Remind me never to tell you anything."

"Rob," he frowns, "you can trust me." Robert scoffs at that.

"Until you go and have a chat with your new best mate. Suppose she told you about Chrissie too."

"She did but I'm not going to say anything to anyone - who exactly do I have to tell?" Aaron purposely keeps his voice low and quiet, "anything you say to me stays between us. I know something you didn't want me to know about you, so I'll tell you something I didn't want you to know about me." Robert keeps quiet, but he looks interested, he nods to encourage him to continue. "You can't tell anyone... I really don't like mushrooms." Robert leans back letting out a loud laugh. "Promise to keep my secret?"

"Promise," he winks, "that's a big thing to be carrying around."

"It is, right?" Aaron teases, "seriously though Robert, you can tell me anything."

"I'll bear that in mind." Robert bites his bottom lip, watching Aaron as he grabs the magazine from his bedside and starts flicking through it. He wonders how he let Aaron get so comfortable around him so quickly, the silence between them felt nice, not awkward. Robert grabs the book from beside his bed, and starts reading from where he left off.

He hopes Aaron doesn't notice as he keeps looking up, admiring Aaron's pursed lips as he's concentrating on reading. Robert makes sure to turn his gaze back to his book when Aaron goes to turn the magazine page. 

Robert couldn't remember the last time he'd met someone who didn't feel the need to fill the silence between them. Chrissie would always be droning on about something ( _her salons, her father, her weirdo son_ ) so they never had to deal with the quiet. He and Connor would fill their time together with fucking so there wasn't much time for silence. Aaron, though, it felt nice to have his presence beside him without needing to talk.


	6. 04.05.2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for lovely comments. I love you all and really appreciate it x I hope you're keep enjoying it ;) <3

Aaron can feel his palms sweating a little, holding out the piece of paper to Janice that he'd just filled out. She raises an eyebrow, and takes it from him. Janice only glances at it for a second before her eyes flick up to meet Aaron's.

"Aaron, what is this?"

"A request form." Aaron watches as Janice fights back the urge to roll her eyes.

"I know it's a request form. It's a request to take Robert out next Friday night."

"It's a little late but I thought we could go out for his birthday. They're showing Goldfinger on the big screen in town and Rob's been reading the book... I thought maybe if I put the request in, and it was approved, I could convince him to go."

"You haven't even asked Robert if he'd like to go yet?"

"Not yet. It's just an idea."

"Just the two of you?" Aaron knows that tone, it's saying more than he's prepared to.

"Yes." He clenches his jaw, maintaining his confidence. Janice sways, leaning foot to foot, obviously debating the choice.

"Aaron, I told you. He hasn't been out of here for two years. He'll refuse."

"Maybe he'll go if I ask." He feels confident in his recent bond with Robert that perhaps he could be the one to get Robert out.

"Sweetheart," she sighs, "I know you're a volunteer and you don't actually work here, but it's not completely ethical for me to allow you to take him out on a date."

"It's not a date!" Aaron quickly protests, "it's just two friends going out."

"If you're sure?"

"Definitely. Just friends." Janice nods.

"Alright. I'll approve it, if you take Hannah. And that's only if you can convince Robert to go."

"Okay. I can get another ticket for her. That's fine! Thank you Janice." Aaron smiles, nodding. He knows this is the easier part, the hardest bit is coming up - convincing Robert to go.

•

"So, I know it was your birthday last month, but I was hoping I could take you out to celebrate? Next Friday?"

"No." Robert shakes his head, not even considering it.

"I haven't even told you where yet."

"I told you I don't celebrate it."

"Okay, then. What if we just go for fun?"

"No." Robert sighs as he watches Aaron's expression turn to disappointment. He hated being the one to make Aaron's face change like that but he couldn't go out. He couldn't face it.

"Fine. Can I at least tell you what it was?" Robert bites his lip, and nods. He sees Aaron pull out tickets and place them in front of him. He'd been so confident Robert would agree, he'd brought the tickets without asking first. He looks down reading the tickets - VIP wheelchair access tickets to Goldfinger on The Green. That's what Robert hated. The ' _wheelchair access_ ', that being in this chair made him different from everyone else. People would look at him, they'd feel sorry for him.

Robert used to love being centre of attention, but that was for his good looks and charm, not his chair. He felt torn. Aaron had gone to all that effort and he'd looked so pleased with himself when he walked into the room. But the idea of going out and everyone seeing him, it petrified Robert. Although, Aaron would be right by his side, and that made the sickness in his stomach ease.

"It's a nice idea. How did you know it's my favourite movie?"

"Saw you reading the book. Thought you'd like it." Aaron shrugs, upset his date ( _no, it wasn't a date_ ) had been turned down.

"I do like it. A lot. But I can't go."

"Why not?" Robert stays quiet. "You think people will see us together and think we're together? Eh?"

"No that's not-"

"Embarrassed to be seen with me?" Aaron sniggers, feeling a little disgust at Robert. Sure, he was a little chav mechanic but he was good inside, Robert could do worse.

"No! You're the one that would be embarrassed - by me!" Robert shouts, anger getting the better of him. He ducks his head down, ashamed. He didn't want to have to look Aaron in the eye.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"Is that why you won't leave here?" Robert can hear the disappointment in Aaron's tone, he knows Aaron now thinks he's stupid.

"Robert," the younger man signs, his voice sounding tender, "you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You're in a wheelchair - so what? You're still gorgeous, and funny and nice, well half of the time." Aaron smirks, as Robert looks back up at him. "You can't let it stop you. If anything it shows how far you've come. You've been through a life changing experience but you got through it. Please, Robert. Come out with me." Rob can't help the smile coming to his face. He wonders if this is a date; he hopes it is. Robert doesn't want to say no, he wants to be brave for Aaron.

"You, me and Hannah. We'll have a great time." _Hannah_. Okay - not a date. Robert was sure there were only two tickets on the table.

"Hannah?"

"Yeah, Janice said to bring her along. That's alright, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Robert nods, "fine." He settles with it, knowing it was Janice's idea, not Aaron's. Even though he'd prefer to just be with Aaron. Maybe the two of them could get away, and he could try something with Aaron, test the waters and see if he felt affection for Robert too.

"I'll pick you up at six on Friday then." Aaron grins, getting ready to leave before Robert stops him.

"Oh, wait. Shouldn't you have my number, just in case anything changes?"

"Y-yeah. Sure." Aaron passes his phone over to Robert, who creates a contact in his phone book before passing it back.

"I called myself so I have your number too."

"Of course." He smiles, something he seems to not be able to stop doing when he saw Rob for the past two weeks or so, "See you next week, Robert."


	7. 11.05.2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the 'date' ;)

Aaron wasn't ashamed to admit he'd changed his shirt approximately five times in the last ten minutes. He wanted to look good for Robert, the older man always looked put together and he didn't want to look odd next to him. He almost curses as his mother pokes her head around his door when he's changing into shirt number six.

"Jesus Christ, mam." He jumps. "What do you want?"

"You're going out?"

"Yeah. Told you I'm going to the cinema." She nods but she's giving him a look that shows she doesn't really believe him.

"With a friend?"

"Yeah," Aaron turns looking in the mirror. So far, this shirt was his favourite, "are you done with the questions now?"

"With Adam?"

"No."

"Is it a boy?" She's crossing her arms and leaning against the door frame now - no, definitely not the end of the questioning.

"Yes."

"Oh Aaron," he face softens, "you can tell me about this stuff you know. I get that this is the first date since Jackson, and it must be difficult, but you deserve to be happy. Jackson would have wanted that for you."

"It's not a date."

"Do you want it to be?"

"No. Um, I don't know." He flattens his hair down, rubbing at his face. It wasn't like Robert didn't already know what he looked like - he felt silly for caring so much.

"I hope he knows how lucky he is to get a chance with you." Aaron blushes, although his mother could peck his head all day long, he knows she does truly care for him and wants him to be happy.

"We'll see."

"You look very handsome." She walks forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek before wiping her lipstick off his cheek. "Have fun. I hope he's worth it." Chas winks. He shrugs, feeling confident looking in the mirror. He and Robert were building up to something, he was sure. Who cares what Janice had to say about it, he'd just stop volunteering at the care home and just go to visit Robert when he could. There was a spark and Aaron wasn't going to try and put it out.

•

Aaron taps on Robert's door, excited and a little nervous at seeing the blonde.

"Come in." Robert shouts, and Aaron pushes the door open. He tries not to gape at the man looking back at him - he looked so handsome. Robert always looked handsome but this was something else. He was wearing black jeans with a blue shirt tucked into it, with a darker blue sweater over the top.

"You look great. Are you ready?" Robert's nodding and smiling, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. Aaron knows he's nervous, this would be the first time out of the care home since he'd came in. And he was doing it for Aaron. He knew it was a big deal.

"I'm ready."

"Before we go... I just wanted to say, if at anytime you want to turn around and come back, just say and we'll come back. No argument. Even if we only get to the car. It's fine." Aaron places a hand on Robert's shoulder in comfort.

"Thank you." Robert nods, gulping - how had he let Aaron persuade him into this?! Hannah appears at the door, signalling them to get a move on. Robert makes his way to the car, feeling brave with Aaron's reassuring presence beside him. He doesn't even say anything as Aaron helps him out of his chair and into the backseat before tucking in his wheelchair and putting it in the boot.

Aaron slides in beside him, and Hannah gets in the drivers seat. Robert almost laughed at thinking Hannah looked like a chauffeur for he and Aaron. The younger man's looking at him, constantly checking if he was alright, he could tell just by a look. Robert seemed to be doing great so far.

•

The drive was only twenty minutes, but as it went on, the roads and sidewalks got busier and busier. The production was obviously big and a lot of people had brought tickets. Hannah managed to park up not too far from the green but Aaron already saw Robert clam up a bit at the thought of getting out the car.

Hannah gets out, opening up the boot to get Robert's wheelchair out. Aaron relishes the moment of privacy he gets with Robert. He slides his hand into the middle of the seats where Robert's hand his resting. He nudges it with his little finger.

"Do you want to go back?" Aaron asks with the softness he's blessed with.

"No," Robert shakes his head, "I'll be alright."

"Of course you will." Aaron gives his hand a quick squeeze before getting out and walking to his door, opening it for him. He leans down, putting an arm around Robert's waist and lifting him up to move him into his chair. "We have to go in entrance two." He tells Hannah as she takes the lead walking towards the barriers before you got to the open air cinema.

Aaron's glad entrance two was quiet compared to the others, he wanted Robert to have a good night and not worry about what others were thinking. He knows how hard that is, he himself being consumed by other people's opinions of him not too long ago.

•

They're led to a little section to the side, he notices a few other people in wheelchairs but Robert doesn't acknowledge they're even there so Aaron doesn't either. They've got a prime view of the screen, with a snack bar just to their left. It was as great being here with Robert as Aaron had imagined it would be while he was booking the tickets.

As he booked hers afterwards, Hannah was sat a few rows behind them, but neither of the boys minded. Aaron buys them both ice cream at the interval, Robert takes it with a grin, already biting down on the flake before Aaron's sat down again. It feels like a date, and it's probably the best date Aaron has ever been on. There's an awkward energy between them, their arms keep bumping on the shared arm rest, but ultimately they both leave their arms on it, allowing each other to feel the others body heat. Aaron wants to lift his arm over Robert's and intertwine their fingers. He's debating if once the film starts again if he'd be brace enough to do it in part two.

Aaron's regretting getting ice cream. Robert is _devouring_ it. He's taking long licks before wrapping his whole mouth around it and sucking, leaving a creamy white liquid around the sides of his mouth. It's making Aaron wish he were somewhere less public so he could push down on his growing erection without getting kicked out.

Robert's in a right mess. There's ice cream all over his face, even on his nose. Aaron laughs thinking it's adorable, before wiping the ice cream from Robert's nose, resisting the urge to stick his finger in his mouth and taste it, instead he rubs it on the napkin in his lap.

"Thank you," The top of Robert's ears then pink, he was trying to be seductive with Aaron, only for him to be embarrassed by getting half his ice cream over his face. "Aaron... I just wanted to ask you..." Robert's cut off by the movie starting again, but Aaron's still looking at him, waiting. "I'll tell you after." He smiles, sinking back down into his seat, resting his arm against Aaron's once again.

•

Aaron only remembers once they're back in the car the way Robert had turned to him with something to say.

"Hey," Aaron nudges him softly, keeping his voice low, hopefully out of earshot of Hannah, "what were you going to say earlier, in the interval?"

"Tell you later?" Robert mumbles, looking over at Hannah. It was clearly something he didn't want the young woman to hear.

•

"Are you coming in?" Aaron looks at him surprised, Robert had said they'd talk later but he wasn't expecting an invite inside - it was almost eleven o'clock, surely the other residents would be about to go to sleep. "Nightcap in my room?"

"Are you sure I'm allowed?"

"I won't tell if you don't. Besides, Hannah's gone to the office so I'll need help remembering where my room is..." Rob grins cheekily, and Aaron knows he can't stop himself from saying yes.

He knows he needs to back away a bit, getting too carried away by his affections for Robert. He hadn't cared when they were out, but now they were back to reality and it was dawning on Aaron that he wasn't sure he was ready to be with someone new, let alone someone as complicated as Robert. Aaron finds himself nodding, and quietly following Robert inside.

Robert empties out his pockets on the side cabinet, sliding open the top door of the dresser and putting the cinema ticket safety inside while Aaron wasn't looking. He was sentimental, but he didn't need everyone to know that. 

"Take a seat, I just have to go to the bog." Aaron nods, perching himself on the side of Robert's bed as the older man closes the door behind him.

Aaron didn't even mean to see the call. Robert's phone was buzzing against the wooden bedside cabinet while he was in the bathroom. He sees the picture first - a young looking man grinning at the camera and Rob is stood behind him, chin on his shoulder and hands around his stomach. They look really happy. Aaron glances at the name ' _Connor_ ' - a man he'd heard so much about but really knew nothing of.

Aaron had seen Robert's visitor book, he knows Connor hasn't visited in almost a year. Why was he calling now? He doesn't know why he does it but he reaches out and swipes his thumb over the screen, accepting the call.

"Hello?"

"Rob?"

"Um, no," Aaron clears his throat but he knows he's keeping his voice quiet so Rob wouldn't hear him from the other room, "he's in the bathroom."

"Oh," the man, Connor, sounds dissapointed, "I should have known it wasn't him once my call was actually answered. I can't remember the last time I wasn't ignored." He sighs. "Who is this?"

"I'm one of the volunteers at the home."

"Oh, okay. Will he be back soon?"

"Not long, I'm sure. Shall I tell him you called?"

"No point," Connor huffs, "he won't call back."

"Why don't you visit?" Aaron's asking before he can stop himself.

"He told me not to. I have to respect his wishes, no matter how much I love him."

"You still love him?"

"Of course. You don't get over the kind of relationship we had. Sorry I shouldn't be talking to you about this. I just miss him."

"He talks about you too. I think he'd like to see you really." He doesn't know why he's getting involved. Actually, that's a lie; he does know. It's because he cares too much, he cares that nobody comes to see Robert except Victoria. He wants Robert to stop pushing people away, and maybe Connor would be a good place to start - a place of love. Aaron swallows down the jealousy he feels for this man having such a tender place in Robert's heart. They obviously had a meaningful relationship.

"He does?" Aaron can hear the smile through the phone, "okay, if you think it would be a good idea?"

"Yeah, come and see him."

"I will do. Thanks..." he pauses, waiting for Aaron to say his name.

"Aaron."

"Right, Aaron." He clenches his jaw at how foreign his own name sounds when its coming from Connor's mouth. It doesn't sound at home like it does when Robert's muttering his name. "Thank you."

"Anytime. Just go easy on him though."

"I will." He promises, "bye Aaron."

"Bye." He hangs up. He finds the recent call list on Rob's phone and deletes the most recent. He curses himself for telling Connor his name. Aaron should never have gotten involved.

Robert's coming out of the bathroom moments later, smiling at Aaron sat on his bed.

"Rob, I'd best get going..." Aaron stands up, already half way to the door.

"I thought we were gonna talk."

"I've got work tomorrow." Aaron excuses himself, thinking Robert would see right through him if he stayed.

"Aaron? Have I done something wrong? I'm sorry if I've come on too strong-" Robert worries, he never meant to push Aaron, he'd agreed to come back to his room.

"I just have to go. Bye Robert." Not a second later and he was gone. Robert felt his heart sink. Of course Aaron wasn't interested in him, they were just friends. Aaron wasn't going to want another boyfriend who can't look after himself. Robert was kidding himself by thinking they had a proper chance, the realisation doesn't stop his chest from hurting.


	8. 18.05.2012

"Hey Robert." Aaron smiles at the older man. Coming to Janice's and seeing Robert and the other residents has quickly become his favourite part of the week. He tells himself it's definitely not because of his growing crush on the blonde haired man. Aaron knows he shouldn't be getting so involved and caught up in Robert but he couldn't help himself. He felt a pull towards him. 

Part of him had been worried since his contact with Connor that Robert wouldn't be alone in his room today. He didn't know what he'd do if he walked in to see Connor there, he imagines he'd run back out of the room again. Maybe he was encouraging Connor to make contact with Robert again, but that didn't mean he wanted it rubbed in his face.

He was pleased to see it was just Robert in the room. 

"What do you want?" Aaron feels himself freeze a little at the rude tone, putting a cup of tea down on the sidetable beside Robert's chair.

"It's Friday. I always visit on Friday."

"I know that Aaron. I've lost the use of my legs not my brain. But it seems yours has gone missing."

"What's that suppose to mean?" Aaron frowns, crossing his arms. Usually he'd take a seat on the other chair in Robert's room but he's not feeling brave enough for that today.

"Why did you get involved with Connor and I? You had no right!" Robert seethes, his face getting red with anger.

"I'm sorry. I was trying to help." Aaron sighs, realising he had fucked up, "was he not kind?" Robert scoffs, feeling the heat of his anger settle a little. Aaron thought he was angry because Connor was mean to him?

"No," he rolls his eyes, "he wasn't mean. He wouldn't be mean to me."

~

_Robert almost dropped the tea from his grip when he'd seen Connor walk through the door into his room._

_"Hi." The young man was clearly nervous. Robert noticed he looked exactly the same as he did a year ago, nothing ever seemed to change about Connor._

_"What are you doing here?"_

_"I wanted to see you," he walks carefully, slowly, as if not to scare Robert off with any sharp movements like he was a wild animal, "I've missed you."_

_"I told you not to come."_

_"Rob," he bites his bottom lip, "please." Robert shudders at the tone, it was similar to how the man used to beg for him to get inside him and tear him apart. Robert couldn't do that anymore, sure everything still worked but he couldn't get on top and be in charge, he couldn't do it how he used to before. He wasn't even sure he wanted to anymore. Robert shakes his head._

_"I didn't want to see you. Why now? It's been over a year."_

_"Your friend didn't say? I called and he answered - he told me to come. He said you talk about my all the time."_

_"My friend? I don't-" he freezes -_ _ Aaron _ _. Aaron, the recent subject of his affections had told his (sort of) ex side piece to come? Clearly his feelings for Aaron weren't mutual then, he couldn't have made it any clearer. He'd really thought he was making progress with the surly mechanic after their date. "Oh." Robert can't stop the swell of disappointment building in his stomach._

_"I've wanted to come for a long time, I'm glad he encouraged me."_

_"I told you to let it go."_

_"It's not that easy! I still love you." He whines, slumping into the chair - Aaron's chair, Robert's brain supplies - pouting his lips._

_"I never loved you." Robert grits his teeth, tired of having to tell him the same thing over and over and not getting anywhere with it. He'd finally thought Connor had let it go, and then he was right here in front of him again._

_"You did. You must have." Robert hated the way Connor had always made their relationship seem like a match made in heaven, once in your lifetime kind of love and it was nothing like that. Connor had been a warm body to press against when Chrissie got on his nerves - that's it._

_"I didn't, Connor! I don't know what Aaron said to you but I have no interest in you!" Robert growls. He knows he sounds mean, and the kicked puppy look that crosses Connor's face makes him feel bad but he didn't know how else to get the point across. He really didn't need this extra stress in his life._

_"He said you talk about me all the time!" Robert's eyes go wide at that - he was sure he'd only mentioned Connor once and he wasn't talking about how much he was in love with him._

_"I don't. I don't talk about you and I don't think about you. Just forget I exist like I'd already forgotten about you."_

_"Rob..."_

_"Go away, and don't come back." Robert clenches his jaw, repeating the words he'd said to the obsessive man over a year ago. "I mean it." He adds as Connor opens his mouth the speak. The young man squeezes his eyes shut, Robert wonders if he's pressing away the tears in his eyes. He swallows, standing up and brushing himself down, all hope he'd had walking in was now completely gone._

_"Bye Rob." Robert nods; watching him go. He can't believe that Aaron had told him to come. It actually hurt - it showed that Aaron didn't really have any feelings toward him like he'd wanted. He felt like Connor for a moment, all the hope of being with the man he wanted - gone._

~

"He'd never be mean to me, but I didn't want to see him. I ripped up the card he sent me right in front of you! How could you think that meant I wanted to see him?"

"I thought he was just one of the people you were pushing away because of what happened..." Aaron bites his bottom lip, taking tentative steps closer towards Robert.  

"I was pushing him away because he is in love with me and I don't feel the same. I have never felt the same! I didn't realise I had to spell it out for you!" Robert huffs, making Aaron feel guilty. The younger man wondering if they'd just gone two steps back in their progess, "it took me long enough to get him away from me in the first place."

"I'm sorry. I thought you loved him too and I was helping fix things between you. He spoke about the two of you like it was something special. Obviously I got it wrong." 

"Maybe it was special to him but not to me. What were you doing - trying to get us back together?" Aaron shrugs - did he? Sure, he wanted Robert to be happy, and if he thought that was with Connor then he'd support that, but maybe he was trying to push Robert away from him and stop himself from getting too close.

"If that's what you wanted." Robert nods, confirming what he'd thought that he'd gotten it wrong about Aaron.

"I don't. I have no interest in Connor."

"Okay. I won't get involved again."

"Please don't," he sighs, "you went behind my back." Aaron hates the sad, dissapointed tone in Robert's voice. "You said I could trust you."

"you can." Aaron sits on his bed, leaning toward Robert's chair, "I'm sorry. It was with good intentions. I just want my mates to be happy."

"Is that what we are? Mates?"

"I hope so." Aaron smiles weakly, and gets a small smile back. Robert was so glad he hadn't told him what he was going to say the other night. He wasn't sure he'd see Aaron ever again if he'd asked what he'd planned to - _'A_ _aron, do you want a second date_?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did I forget to mention this fic is slow burn... oops


	9. 25.05.2012

"You went _outside_."

"Yeah."

"Like, out of the entire building - beyond the garden."

"Yes, Vic!" Robert huffs, "is it that hard to believe?"

"Yes, it is actually! I've been trying to get you out of this place for over a year and this Aaron comes along and gets you outside in a couple of months! Not fair!" She pouts, crossing her arms. Robert shrugs. "Mm, always couldn't say no to pretty face."

"Aaron's not _pretty_." Robert protests - he's _handsome, rugged, dashing,_ he thinks but keeps himself from saying that aloud. 

"Whatever you say-" She rolls her eyes, as there's a knock at the door. 

"Come in." Robert shouts, knowing who it should be three o'clock on a Friday - Aaron was like clockwork. Victoria notices Robert brushing a hand through his hair.

"Hi. Oh, sorry," Aaron steps back, lingering at the door, "I didn't realise you had visitors."

"It's only Vic," Robert shrugs, earning himself an offended ' _ooof_ ' from his little sister, "you alright?"

"Yeah," Aaron smiles, "are you?"

"Yeah." Victoria looks between them, a little smug smile on her face.

"Aaron, I heard you managed to get this one outside of these four walls. How come you managed that in a month and a half and I couldn't do it in a year and a half?" Her tone is jokey, but Aaron knows there's a hint of an underlying hurt there.

"James Bond, init?" He shrugs, smiling, "can't resist him can ya, Rob?" Aaron notices the pink tint to Robert's ears, as he speaks but he doesn't say anything.

" _Is that my Aaron_?!" The three of them lean their heads to the left, hearing Eileen through the wall. Aaron laughs.

"I guess I'm wanted. I'll pop back later?" _You're wanted in here_ , Robert wanted to say.

"Sure." Aaron nods, giving a soft wave to both the siblings as he goes. The Sudgens listen as Aaron greets Eileen, and Victoria doesn't fail to notice the smitten smile on her brothers face.

"Maybe not pretty but definitely cute." Victoria pipes up, but keeps her voice low, knowing how thin the walls are.

"I haven't noticed." Robert shrugs but Victoria just smirks back at him.

"Liar. You fancy him." 

"I don't!" He pouts.

"You do! Rob, you went _out_ for him. Don't act as if that doesn't mean anything." She raises an eyebrow, ready with any response to his denial.

"He made an effort. I felt bad saying no."

"And you don't feel bad saying no to me?" She frowns, hands on hips.

"No. Not really."

"Oh, thanks bro." She rolls her eyes, "you'd look good together."

"Shut up, Vic. He doesn't feel the same."

"The _same_?" She grins, "So I am right! And he was totally checking you out when he came in! There's no way he looked at you like that and wasn't thinking the same."

"Please just leave it. I know he doesn't - he was trying to get me back together with Connor."

"Connor? Ew." Vic turns her face into a look of disgust. Robert sometimes regretted breaking down in front of his sister almost a year ago now and telling her everything that had happened since he'd left their home three years ago. She seemed to have an opinion on everything, and she practically hated anyone from Robert's past who wasn't family.

"I know." Robert huffs, "besides... you know who he is right? Aaron _Livesy_." Victoria's eyes go wide at that, the name being in the papers from his trial - where he'd been arrested for helping his boyfriend to die. 

"What? Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Recognised his face from the paper."

"Robert," she sighs, "maybe you should stay away from him."

"Why?" He scoffs, "He's not gonna try and top me."

"I know, but... you have your own problems to deal with, maybe getting involved with someone who is dealing with all of that isn't a great idea."

"Vic, you don't know him."

"Neither do you." She frowns, standing up and walking to his chair. She runs a hand through his blonde locks. "I just want the best for you."

"He's helping me, Vic." Robert speaks honestly, he thinks it might be the most honest he's been in a long time, "This is the first time in a while that I've felt positive about myself, and I think that's thanks to him. Maybe it won't be more but I'm happy to be his friend and I think he's happy to be mine."

"Okay," she leans in and presses a kiss to his cheek, "but remember that whatever you do, he might be helping, but it's for you, not for him." Victoria didn't want him to hang his hopes on Aaron, just in case. Robert nods. "Take care. I'll see you next week. Love you."

"Love you too." Victoria pauses slightly on her way out, a warm feeling through her body. She can't remember the last time Robert had said he loved her too. 

"Vic," Aaron slips out of Eileen's room as Victoria's leaving Robert's, he grabs her elbow softly to stop her going, "I'm sorry if you feel like I did something wrong by taking him out without you."

"It's fine. Out is out, whoever he's with. It's great, I'm happy. The whole reason he's in here instead of having home help was because I knew he wouldn't go outside unless someone made him. I didn't want him to be a recluse. So the fact he's _choosing_ to go out - it's progress."

"Good," Aaron nods, "maybe if I can convince him another time we could do something all together."

"I don't think you'd struggle to convince him." She raises an eyebrow.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Nothing," she shakes her head, not wanting to betray Robert's trust even when obviously Aaron fancied her brother back, "that sounds great. Thank you - for sticking by him. It means a lot."

"No problem." He smiles, Aaron points to Robert's door, "He's probably waiting for me."

"Sure. Bye Aaron."

"See ya, Vic." She watches him knock on Robert's door before hearing a shouted ' _come in_ ' from Robert, she sees how Aaron's smile gets wider as he spots Robert, before closing the door behind him.

•

"Sorry if I interrupted anything with you and your sister." He takes a seat in his chair by Robert.

"Don't be silly. She was just talking about cooking classes she's been looking at."

"Oh, cool. Does she want to be a chef?"

"One day." He nods. "You any good at cooking?"

"Pfft," Aaron scoffs, "Course. Beans on toast is my speciality. I can do a good curry from a jar as well. You'll have to try it one day." He boasts, teasingly.

"It's a date," Robert's smile falters, cringing at himself and those words slipping out, "I mean-"

"It's a figure of speech. I know. But I will make it for you someday," he winks, "it would only be fair, otherwise you'll be missing out on something special." Robert's brain seems to give those words double meaning.

"I'd like that."

"Actually," Aaron leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and putting his chin on top of his fist, "I was wondering where you want to go on our next trip."

"Our next trip?"

"Yeah. I enjoyed our first one so much, I thought maybe you'd like another."

"I think once was enough."

"Really?" Aaron's smile falters, "I thought you had a good time."

"I did." Robert promises.

"So what's the problem?" _I thought you were asking me on a date and couldn't bare to say no to you, and now I've realised how stupid I was being._

"I- I don't have a reason."

"Then I'll think of somewhere else for us to go." Aaron protests, "I promise, wherever we go, I'll look after you." _Welp_. There was one of the reasons - being in the care home, Robert could reign himself in. He knew there was somewhat of a line, Aaron the volunteer and Robert being just someone he helped when he came here, just like Eileen. But when they were out, Robert felt normal. Like he and Aaron were just a couple out having a good time, and that made Robert's heart swell. After the accident, he wasn't sure he'd be able to feel normal again. But that's exactly what Aaron made him feel.

He met him, and it changed everything.


	10. 01.06.2012

"What's this?" Robert laughs at the array of brochures Aaron splashes out across his desk.

"Places we could go next week."

"Next week?" Robert was surprised he was making moves to take him out again so quickly.

"Yeah. Already sorted with Janice. All these places are wheelchair friendly, I checked." Robert felt a little special that Aaron had gone to the effort to check all of these places would be suitable for him to go. "I think she's hoping I'll take Eileen out too sometime soon." 

"Maybe she could come with us?" Aaron's eyes flick up from the brochures, evidently shocked at the suggestion.

"Are you serious!? You can't stand her."

"She's not so bad. She is a nosey old cow, but you like her."

"Really?" Aaron grins; wondering when Robert had gotten so soft. "I think she'd love that."

"Okay," Robert nods, pleased he'd made Aaron pleasantly surprised, "Where are you thinking of going?"

"London?" 

"Too far." He scoffs, "don't like long journeys."

"The Zoo?"

"Are we five years old?"

"Alright," he rolls his eyes, "What about going to Manchester?"

"No, I can't go there."

"Why? Are you banned? Been a bad boy?" He teases, faltering as he sees Robert not smiling back at him.

"No, it's.. um," he clears his throat, "it's where _it_ happened... what that made me like this."

"Oh, Rob. I'm so sorry." Aaron facepalms himself, feeling like a bumbling idiot.

"It's okay," Robert speaks softly, "you weren't to know. I just - I don't want to go back there."

"Of course," Aaron understands, he really does. He hasn't been to that rail track since Jackson, or back to Whitby, where even the most enjoyable holiday couldn't stop Jackson from wanting to die. "I get it Rob." He leans across, resting a hand on Robert's forearm, using the pad of his thumb to rub comforting circles on Robert's soft flesh. "You don't have to explain anything to me."

Robert relaxes, knowing Aaron really did get how he felt, not some doctor (or that god awful therapist Vic ambushed on him), who says they understand but in reality has no idea.

"I-I want to." Robert smiles weakly, appreciating the warmth of Aaron's touch, "I haven't really spoken much about it."

"You really don't have to, I won't put any pressure you." Robert lets out a heavy sigh, trying to put his memories back together, glimpses of that day always coming back in drips and drabs, he hadn't had to tell the whole story for a long time.

"It was October 25th. I'll always remember because it was Bex's birthday - Chrissie's sister. We were seeing each other secretly behind Chrissie's back." Robert watches Aaron's face intently, seeing if there was any judgement across his expression. He was relieved when he just saw patience, waiting for him to continue. "I was going to end things with Bex, my relationship with Chrissie was getting serious, I'd proposed but I thought it would be nicer to wait until after Bex's birthday to finish it."

Aaron pushes a glass of water closer to Robert, seeing him wobble as he speaks. Robert takes a sip, grateful for Aaron not interrupting because if he stopped he wasn't sure he'd be able to start again.

"Especially for her birthday she rented a room at this big country house on the outskirts of Manchester for the two of us for the afternoon before her party that night. We had a great afternoon, we had sex then I agreed to drive her to the party later on. But we didn't know that someone was following us. Chrissie and Bex's dad - Lawrence," Aaron can hear the disdain in Robert's tone, "- hated me, I was never good enough for Chrissie. I did everything to prove I was good, but it was never enough for him." 

Robert was struggling. He was going to tell someone new the whole truth of what happened. He'd lived a life of half truths, because he knew how hard it was to be completely honest.

"He'd hired a private investigator to follow me. And he followed me and Bex to the hotel, and he took pictures of us kissing. We were stood outside by the car, I was being so reckless because I thought it would be the last time we'd be together and nobody around knew us." He explains, "So the private investigator sent the photographs to Lawrence. He was furious, obviously - I was hurting both his daughters. Instead of just telling Chrissie and letting her dump me, he decided to take it into his own hands. He - he," Robert falters, and Aaron squeezes his arm a little tighter, reassuring him.

"You don't have to tell me." Aaron speaks, his voice soft and gentle.

"I can," Robert gulps, "He, um, hired somebody to run me off the road when I was on my way to Rebecca's party." Aaron's eyes go wide at the confession, "he didn't know Rebecca was with me, he thought a car had picked her up from the hotel." Robert clenches his jaw. "The guy smashed right into us, knocking us through a barrier and down the steep hill beyond the roadside. Bex was just screaming and screaming as we tumbled but then she just went silent all of a sudden. I passed out just after we came to a stop and woke up in the hospital."

" _Robert_ ," he sighs in sympathy, hating that it was the cause of someone's intentional motives that had injured Robert so badly, "I'm so sorry."

"W-When I woke up they said I'd damaged the nerves in my back, and I couldn't move my legs," he sniffs, pulling his hand that wasn't touching Aaron's to his face, wiping at the threatening tears, "and then they told me about Rebecca. They said she was dead on arrival. I had no idea what had happened. Chrissie was adamant she still wanted to marry me. Lawrence of course didn't want that to happen but we did it before he could stop us. I was in hospital for a long time, we ended up getting married in the Chapel there. He'd gotten so angry one night when he'd visited me, said that I wasn't suppose to be here, that I was suppose to die, not Bex. I didn't understand at first but then he spelt it out for me, that he was behind it all."

"He's evil." Aaron gritted his teeth, hating the disgusting man he'd never even met. Robert nods, agreeing.

"When I told Chrissie she didn't believe me, and I ended it. It was like she didn't want justice for her little sister. I went to the police and Lawrence cracked. Told them everything and confessed. I got a big compensation deal from his lawyers - that's partly how I could afford to live here. After that, Chrissie tried to come back to me, apologising but I couldn't stay married to her, she was still visiting her father in prison! So, I ended up here and we got a divorce." Robert sighs, "I guess I only have myself to blame though."

"I'm so sorry Robert." Aaron bites down on his bottom lip, "please don't believe it was your fault. All the blame is on him."

"It was my fault though. If I'd stayed away from Bex, she'd still be alive." Robert felt a weight lifting slightly from his shoulders - he'd never been able to say that out loud before. He'd thought it a hundred times in his mind but it felt like a relief for it to be out there. "I never even loved her. How cruel is that?"

"It wasn't your fault, please believe that," Aaron pleads, "it's all his fault - Lawerence. He did this, not you. And Bex wanted you too, it wasn't one sided. You _both_ could have stopped it." Robert physically sinks in his chair, relieved to hear the words he'd wanted to hear for so long now - _it wasn't his fault_.

"Thank you." He breathes out, feeling a weight off his shoulders.

"You're so strong to get through all that." Robert scoffs.

"I'm not strong."

"You are," Aaron says softly, "you're _so_ strong, Robert. That's a lot to have on your shoulders. A lot of people wouldn't have been able to cope with that."

"Thanks." Robert smiles weakly. He'd heard that so many times before but for some reason this was the first time he actually believed it. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, ridding his eyes of unshed tears. 

"Now... we're not going to London, The Zoo or Manchester. How about the park? A picnic maybe?"

"I'm not sure Eileen would like that."

"Maybe not. Maybe that should be for just you and I?"

"Yeah," Robert nods, "I'd like that a lot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of talking, hopefully everything clicks together!!
> 
> Wooo they're going on a picnic ;)


	11. 08.06.2012

"That's a lot of sandwiches for one man, even you Aaron Livesy." Paddy raises his eyebrows, glancing at what Aaron was preparing. The small pile of sandwiches, crisps and a few biscuits he'd obviously stolen from the tin.

"Not just for me, are they?"

"Oh," Paddy smiles, "you're making me lunch?" Aaron scoffs, grabbing the picnic blanket he'd stolen from Paddy's cupboard and stuffing it in his backpack.

"Nah," Aaron shakes his head, "going out with a mate."

"A boy mate...?" The older man asks carefully, knowing discussing men with Aaron could be a touchy subject, even after all the progress he'd made. 

"Yes." He sighs, wrapping the sandwiches up and placing them in the bag with his other items.

"I thought you went to that disabled place on a Friday afternoon?" Aaron frowns.

"Don't call it that." Paddy backs off, hearing the tension in Aaron's voice, "I go to Janice's, yeah. It's a mate from there."

"And your taking him on date?"

"Yes. No. It's not a date. It's just a picnic."

"To most people that would be a date."

"Do you think?" Aaron tilts his head, looking like a confused puppy. _Did Robert think it was a date_?

"Yeah, defo."

"Then, maybe it is." He shrugs, "I'll let you know." Aaron gives a small smile, a sight Paddy had rarely seen since he met the lad. Maybe this one was someone special.

•

Aaron huffs, pressing the entrance button over and over, frustrated as it won't open. He spots Janice walking toward the door through the window. He gives her a little awkward wave.  

"Hey Aaron. Didn't you get my message? We're on lock down, Robert won't be able to come out. He's too sick."

"If he can't come out - can I come in?" He shifts his backpack, pulling at the weight. He feels disappointment building up - he'd been so looking forward to this.

"It might be contagious, love. I know you had plans but it's a risk."

"I'll risk it," Aaron shrugs, "let me just pop in and see how he's feeling."

"I can't stop you," she sighs, stepping back and allowing him in, "go on then, but only stay if he's awake. An hour tops!"

"Yes boss." He nods, making his way up to Robert's room.

•

"Hey," Aaron smiles at him, dropping his backpack down on the side of his chair, "Janice said you're sick."

"Yeah," he croaks out, eyes a little droopy, "Donald's granddaughter spreading germs when she visited I bet." Aaron rolls his eyes, even when Robert's sick he manages to be snide. 

"Can't be helped." Aaron shrugs.

"Sorry," he coughs, "I'm not allowed out - and I'd been looking forward to pickled cheese sandwiches all week." He pouts.

"Well... maybe if we can't go outside we'll just have to bring it in." Aaron unzips his bag, getting out the tartan blanket and laying it across Robert's bed. He passes Robert his preprepared sandwiches, crisps and can of coke. Robert grins at him, brighting up and looking more cheerful already.

The blonde man digs into his picked sandwich.

"If I had tastebuds right now, I just know this would taste so good!" Aaron laughs, biting into his own, "this is great... thank you." He sniffs.

"No problem, if you can't go to the park, then the park will come to you."

"You're brilliant, you know that right?" Aaron nods.

"Of course I know that!" He takes it lightly but he knows Robert had a real sentiment to his statement, "but it's always nice to hear. Besides, I wanted pickle sandwiches too."

"I knew I was mates with you for a reason."

"Ey!" Aaron laughs, "there are lots of reasons why you'd wanna be my mate."

"oh, yeah. The curry." He winks, teasing.

"Well, of course that too!"

"What have you been doing this week? I need more interesting conversation than Donald's toe warts. I'm going a bit crazy."

"Ew," Aaron grimaces at the thought, he shakes his head as if the motion would delete that from his brain. He pauses before answering, his fingers squeezing softly against the bread of his sandwich. "It was actually the one year anniversary of Jackson's death yesterday."

"Oh, I'm sorry. You should have told me." Robert frowns, feeling a little guilty for joking around when Aaron's mind was obviously heavy.

"It's fine, it's quite nice to see someone who didn't look at me like they felt sorry for me. My mum and my sort of dad Paddy are great, but yesterday they were just all over me like a rash when I just wanted to grieve in peace, ya know?" Robert nods, understanding.

"Of course, a year isn't a very long time really. Did you do anything special?"

"Just sat with him at the grave, we shared a beer," Aaron muses, Jackson's half of course being poured on the soil above him, "We had a chat. I know it sounds crazy..."

"It doesn't," he promises, "I talk to my mum sometimes. She died when I was just a baby. But the connection is still there, the love is there - even if she isn't. You still love him?"

"I'm sorry about your mum." Aaron frowns, although his mum can be a nightmare he knows he'd be lost without her, "Yeah. I think I will always love him. But near the end, I wasn't his boyfriend anyway. He couldn't touch me and couldn't feel it when I touched him, apart from his face. He didn't even want to kiss me most days. I was just one of his carers in the end." Robert couldn't imagine that anyone wouldn't want to kiss Aaron. It was something that had been on his mind for the last eight weeks.

"That must have been hard."

"It was the worst. I was just... helpless." Aaron gulps, feeling a lump in his throat, "I do want to move on."

"Moving on doesn't mean you have to forget about him. You know he'd want you to be happy, he wouldn't want you moping and feeling sad forever."

"I know." He nods, "I am trying." Aaron promises, but he's not sure if he's speaking to Robert or Jackson in his mind.

"You'll find someone." _me, me, me_ , Robert's brain supplies, "you deserve to be happy." Robert leans on his arm, lifting himself up slightly to move closer to Aaron. Temptation making the better of him, he presses a kiss to Aaron's cheek, quick and sweet before reverting back to his own space. The younger man blushes, feeling heat crawling up his neck to his cheeks. 

"Thanks." Aaron mumbles, shyly. 

"Anytime."

It's not long before Hannah is tapping on the door. 

"Sorry boys. Janice says only a hour." She looks sympathetically at them, knowing they both don't want Aaron to leave yet. Hannah gives them a small smile before giving them a couple more minutes alone. 

"Okay," Aaron sighs, packing up the blanket, and tucking Robert back under his sheets, "Feel better soon." He chances it, leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to Robert's forehead - he's _just returning the comfort_ , he tells himself. 

He's already gone by the time Robert allows himself a satisfied smile. Maybe Vic was right.

•

"How was the date?" Paddy is on him, almost the moment he's in the door.

"Good."

"That's all you're gonna say?"

"For now." Aaron smiles, going up to his room. He checks his phone, seeing a text from a contact he'd not seen flashing on his phone before - _Robert_.

_thx for 2day. R x_

_Anytime. A x_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. the picnic kinda worked out? ;) hope you enjoyed it!


	12. 15.06.2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kind messages<3, I really appreciate the comments and kudos! Now onto the chapter...

Aaron's jaw almost dropped at the sight of a handsome man he hadn't seen before in Robert's room.

"Hey," Aaron's eyes draw to Robert sitting in his wheelchair by the window, the blonde has a wide smile on his face, "alright?"

"Hiya."

"Aaron, this is Ed. Ed, this is Aaron."

"Alright mate," Aaron tilts his head forward at him as a greeting.

"Hey. Nice to meet you. I've just started so I have a lot of people to meet." He explains, Aaron glances at the name tag adorning Ed's shirt, ' _Ed Roberts, Junior Nurse'._

 _"_ You're a nurse?" He asks, not meaning to sound surprised but he knows he does.

"Yeah. At lot of people say it like that." Ed scoffs, "they're surprised I'm not female, in a little pinny and a lot prettier."

"You are pretty." Aaron blurts out, eyes going wide and cheeks going pink in embarrassment. He can hear Robert laughing at him too, making him blush even brighter. "I didn't mean..." Aaron fumbles, looking at Ed, before sighing and glaring at the blonde in the room, "oh, shut up."

Robert laughs, but doesn't fail to notice the way Aaron looks at Ed. Of course Aaron fancied him - he was gorgeous, a nurse and he'd informed Robert he also played rugby. He's almost the perfect man. Rob bets he's Aaron's type - tall, dark and handsome, strong muscles and ( _yes, Robert couldn't help to notice_ ) an amazing arse. He wasn't like Robert at all, the blonde realises that he pales in comparison to the tanned man who is taking his blood pressure.

"Right," Ed speaks up, changing the subject, "I'll just put all this through on the computers and I'll be right back." Aaron nods at him, watching him leave.

"You fancy him." Robert teases.

"What? I... I don't." Aaron gapes.

"You were blushing when he was talking to you." The younger man rolls his eyes - how could Robert seem to figure out he fancied Ed, but be so dense not to realise he fancied Robert himself. "Want me to put in a word?"

"No!" Aaron yelps, hardly wanting the current subject of his affections to be trying to set him up with the fit new nurse.

"Are you sure-"

"Shh," Aaron frowned as Ed comes back in. He bites his lip, embarrassed. Robert grins cheekily, "don't." He whispers so Ed can't hear.

"Hey, Nurse Ed." Robert grabs his attention, "What are you doing tonight?"

"Um, probably playing gooseberry at tha' pub with my mates and their girlfriends."

"You not got a girlfriend?" Rob asks bluntly, and Aaron wonders if it's possible for the ground to swallow him whole. Robert wasn't the most subtle person in the world.

"Nah. Only ever had one of them, decided it wasn't for me. But - haven't got a boyfriend either."

"So, if you're gonna have a rubbish night... what about doing something better and taking Aaron out on a date?" Aaron can't stop his sharp intake of breath at his question.

"Really? I thought you two were..." he makes a motion between them.

"No," Aaron notices that Robert is quick to protest, "we're mates. So, what do ya say?"

"Y-yeah. I'd love to. If you want?"

"Yeah," Aaron smiles weakly, "why not?"

"Great! How's 7?"

"Perfect." Robert watches on as they exchange numbers. His minds telling him he's doing the right thing, but his heart is asking him why he's torturing himself like  this. _Because you want Aaron to be happy._

•

"Do you want to borrow a shirt? For your date?"

"Huh?" Aaron seems surprised at the suggestion.

"You have to look smart, and no offence but you should probably burn most of your current wardrobe," Aaron friend, glancing down at his outfit, jeans and hoodie - he thought it looked pretty good. Robert wheels himself to his wardrobe, searching through his shirts. Aaron raises his eyebrows at some of the outrageous prints he's got hiding in there, "what about this one?" Robert hands him a pale blue shirt, and Aaron doesn't hate it. "You'll look handsome in this."

"You think so?" Aaron asks shyly, appreciating the compliments falling from Robert's lips.

"Definitely. The blue will match your eyes." Robert cringes at himself, letting that slip, not like he was always thinking about Aaron's baby blues or anything. He clears his throat. "Why don't you try it on for me?" 

"Oh, um," Aaron hums, knowing Robert would question why he wouldn't change in front of him. He doesn't want the older man to see the scars across his stomach, the ones he'd inflicted on himself. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Please?" If Aaron didn't know any better, he'd think Robert was turning on his puppy dog eyes, knowing Aaron wouldn't want to say no to a face an innocent as his. 

"O-okay."

"I'll turn around, if you want." Aaron nods and the blonde turns away, while Aaron changes into his shirt.

"Done." Robert grins when he turns back to see him. He didn't realise how much it would affect him to see Aaron in his clothes. He looked _gorgeous_. Robert falters, feeling like an idiot for getting Aaron a date with someone else when he'd rather have him to himself _. It's what's best for Aaron_ , he reminds himself.

"You look great."

"Thanks." Aaron's cheeks go pink, as he turns away, catching himself in the mirror. The shirt did look good, he had never really worn anything so nice, the fabric felt soft against his skin. He wondered if this shirt probably cost more than his three piece suit. 

"He won't be able to resist." The words are already out before Robert can stop himself, he cringes. Aaron keeps quiet thinking, _maybe_   _he might not be able to resist me but obviously you can_.

•

When he gets home, Aaron buries his nose into the fabric of Robert's shirt, the scent of Robert filling his nose. He can't stop the involuntary smile on his lips. Aaron slips the shirt on, shaking his head to rid it of thoughts of Robert; he had a date tonight with a handsome man, he was going to try not to let his feelings for a certain blonde get in the way of that. Afterall, Robert was the one who got him the date in the first place.

•

"Do you want another beer?" 

"Huh?" Aaron said absentmindedly, fiddling with the label on his first beer. He felt a little guilty, knowing he'd hardly been focused on Ed all night. The other man was pleasant, he was fit, charming and funny but there wasn't a spark. He didn't feel electric and intrigued to find out more like he did with Robert. He wanted to find Ed interesting, he wanted to want him but neither his mind, nor body was in it.

"You seem a bit distracted, you alright?"

"Yeah," he sighs, "I'm sorry. I've just got stuff on my mind."

"Maybe a slightly grumpy blonde?"

"What?" Aaron frowns.

"What's on your mind - Robert? It's alright, we've all been there." Aaron looks puzzled, so Ed continues, "Fancying a straight mate? I swear it's like the introduction to being gay, ain't it?" _Mm_ , except Aaron already had that ( _regretable_ ) experience with Adam.. and Robert wasn't straight. "He kinda freaked when I suggested the two of you were together."

"Right," Aaron nods, cause of course, Rob was into blokes, but he just wasn't into him, "Yeah. I'm sorry, he shouldn't have asked you out for me."

"It's fine," Ed smiles, a nice smile that meets his eyes, "I've had a nice evening, even if I don't get a snog out of it." He laughs, jabbing Aaron in the side. Aaron still blushes, because even though Ed wasn't Robert - he was still a fit lad and Aaron was amazed Ed would be interested in him in the first place.

"It's not the end of the night yet." Aaron grins, willing himself to put a bit more effort in, just because there wasn't an instant spark like there had been with Robert, that didn't mean it wouldn't come in time.

•

"What's the matter with you?" Hannah asks, whilst changing Robert's sheets. She'd noticed the permanent grump of the resident since this afternoon.

"Nothing."

"Lovers tiff?"

"What?" Robert frowns, crossing his arms.

"With Aaron?" The blonde scoffs.

"We'd have to actually be lovers to have a lovers tiff." He sighs, feeling stupid for asking Ed out for Aaron. He didn't want Aaron to be out on a date tonight, he wanted him here with him. But why would Aaron want that? Nights in at his residential home, it was hardly the dream life.

"I thought you two-"

"Maybe people should stop assuming!" He growls, she was now the second person today that had thought he and Aaron were a couple that he'd had to correct. "He and I aren't gonna happen."

"Sorry!" Hannah's eyes go wide, "Rob... I've known you almost a year and half now and the last few months, you've made so much progress. And I know that Aaron's helped with that, so maybe don't give up yet."

"He doesn't want me."

"You don't kn-"

"Can you go now?" He snaps, clenching his jaw.

"I haven't finished changing your sheets."

"Just go away. _Please_." He begs, wanting to be alone. She nods at him, leaving the room and closing the door softly behind him. 

Robert hates this. He hates being stuck in this body, knowing that his life would never be the same ever again. If he'd met Aaron in different circumstances, if his accident had never happened, things would be completely different. He used to be able to charm anyone he wanted, getting them into bed ( _or the back of a car or in his office or one time in a janitors closet_ ), within an hour, but that was gone now. Robert hated Lawrence, he took the use of his legs away, he took his charm, he took his happiness. Robert didn't know why he was bothering to try and get that back.

_What was the point?_

_•_

"I've had a good night." They're stood on Ed's doorstep, swaying in that awkward way of knowing the night was going to go one way or another and this is the moment to decide, "would you like to come in?" Ed asks as he bounces on his heels, a small smile on his face.

The thing is, Aaron does. But he knows if he agrees it's not going to be one night and it's done. Ed is a nurse at _Robert's_ home. Saying 'yes' to Ed means giving up on any chance with Robert, and Aaron's not quite sure he's ready for that yet, at least not until he knows how Robert really feels.

"I'd best not," Aaron scrunches his nose, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise," Ed shakes his head, "it's fine. But if I don't do this, I know I'm gonna really regret it," he's leaning in, pressing his lips against Aaron's, and smiling when Aaron kisses back. It's only short, sweet before Aaron pulls back, "Robert's missing out." Aaron doesn't know why that makes him feel so exposed, and he doesn't know what to say to that. "Night, Aaron."

"Goodnight, Ed." He ducks his head, and goes into his house, leaving Aaron stood on his doorstep wondering how he'd managed to get in so deep so quickly with Robert that he'd turn down the chance of someone like Ed at the risk of losing the blonde whirlwind that was Robert Sugden. He'd tried so hard to give Ed a fair shot, but he knows now he never had a chance since the beginning, he didn't compare to Robert. It felt like settling for an orange juice when all he wanted was a cold beer.


	13. 22.06.2012

"Robert?" He knocks, surprised to find no answer, "Rob?" 

"Oh, Aaron?" He turns to see Hannah behind him, "Robert's gone out for the afternoon with Victoria, so he's not in there."

"Oh," Aaron's surprised and a little disappointed, Robert knew he visited every Friday at 3 o'clock so if he knew he wasn't going to be there, why wouldn't he say? Or at least text? Aaron thought he would have at least cared that much, "alright, not to worry." He gives her a quick smile.

"Eileen and Donald are down in the games room if you fancy it?" She suggests, smiling sweetly.

"Y-yeah, great. I'll pop down now and see them. If Rob comes back before I go, will you come and find me?"

"Course I will Aaron. Um, if you don't see him, do you want me to pass on a message?" 

"Er, sure, just tell him..." he sighs, no he didn't want her to be a messenger, he wanted to speak to Robert himself, and return the shirt to him that he'd borrowed last week, "actually no don't worry. Thanks though. I'll head down, see you later." He nods at her, before going downstairs to the games room to see his other two favourite residents. Hannah sighs, watching him walk away. She steps forward, opening Robert's door and seeing the blonde man lying on his bed, still tucked in wearing his pajamas. 

"Aaron was knocking for you."

"I heard." He mumbles.

"He looked really disappointed when I told him you weren't here. I didn't like lying to him." 

"Hannah, I'm pretty sure I'm paying to be here, so you have to do what I ask of you right? I'm asking you to keep Aaron away, I don't care if it gives you a guilty conscience." Robert growls. Hannah shakes her head, but knows Robert can't see her motion. "He didn't send a message so guess you can go now."

"Robert-"

"Go away."

"Fine. If you want to stay in bed all day I can't stop you." She huffs, feeling her patience wearing thin with the blonde man. He seemed to want to do the opposite of what any normal person would do. Anyone would be running towards Aaron, towards his kind heart and actual desire to improve Robert's life but no, Robert seemed to want to run in the opposite direction. 

•

"You must be cheating!" Aaron grins as he goes downstairs, hearing Eileen's protests at losing her and Donald's most recent card game, "I never lose at poker!" 

"Poker!? I thought we were playing Blackjack!" Donald protests. 

"Are we arguing again you two!?" Aaron presses a kiss to Eileen's cheek and shakes Donald's hand.

"Aw! My Aaron's here!" Eileen squeezes his hand as he takes a seat beside her. He wonders if Eileen sometimes thinks he is actually her grandson.

"Can I join the next game? All I know is rummy though."

"Yes, rummy!" Donald yelps, clearly on board with the idea.

"How's your Robert, dear?" Eileen asks as Donald splits cards between the three of them.

"He's not _my_ Robert," Aaron shakes his head, but isn't able to stop the smile coming to his face at the idea of Robert being _his._

"Oh, but the two of you are sweet. You make him actually bearable to be around."

_"Ha,"_ Aaron laughs, remembering he'll have to tell Robert that when he sees him, "haven't seen him today. He's gone out with Vic, his sister. Why do you ask?"

"No, he hasn't. She came on Wednesday, didn't she, Donald?" The man nods, but Aaron can see his focus is more on the game and he's frustrated they haven't started yet, "Didn't stay long though...  besides I heard him talking to one of the nurses through the wall, maybe only twenty minutes ago? I only ask because I hadn't seen him for the past week or so, he hasn't come out of his room once.

"Are you sure?" Aaron frowns, sure she must be wrong.

"Positive, there ain't a lot he does that I don't know about." Aaron nods, remembering the thin walls Robert was always complaining about.

"Okay. Thanks, Eileen." Aaron bites his bottom lip, wondering why Robert was acting weird. Why wouldn't he want to see him if he was actually here? "Um," he brushes himself down, standing up, "I'll be back in a minute."

"But rummy?" Donald huffs.

"Two minutes, Don. I'll come straight back, promise."

•

Aaron lingers outside the door once again, he listens out for any sign of movement but there's nothing. Maybe Eileen's got it wrong. He takes a breath, pushing open the door without knocking. He sees a lump facing away from him beneath the bedsheets.

"What now Hannah?" Robert huffs.

"Back from being out with Victoria then?" Aaron's tone sounds frustrated. He huffs when Robert doesn't reply, just keeps his back to him. "Why did you get Hannah to lie to me?" Silence fills the room once again. "Robert?" He whimpers, and it makes Rob's stomach churn, but he had to keep his distance, he couldn't drag Aaron down with him like he knew he would. "Why won't you talk to me?" He steps closer, going to reach his hand out to touch Robert's shoulder but stopping himself, worried of the reaction. "Rob!"

"Leave me alone." He demands.

"Has something happened? I want to help."

"I don't want your help! I don't want you anywhere near me!" Aaron almost winces as the harshness of Robert's tone, he hadn't experienced this side of Robert for weeks now, he really thought he was changing into a happier person.

"Fine," Robert hears Aaron fumbling around and a zip being pulled, "here's your shirt back." Robert feels a slight weight on top of his as Aaron throws the shirt over his bed. "It worked like a _treat_. Thanks." He hears the zip again, Aaron closing up his bag and then footsteps and a heavy close of the door. 

Robert waits a moment before letting himself whimper into his pillow. _It worked like a treat_. The thought of Aaron with someone else made him feel physically sick. The idea of someone else touching Aaron, kissing Aaron, making Aaron come under his fingertips made his chest ache. He didn't know when he'd turned into this person, a jealous wreck, but he knows he shouldn't have fallen for the first person that showed him the littlest bit of interest in the past few years. It was his own stupid fault.

•

Adam glares at him as he slowly nurses his pint, their usual banter hadn't flowed tonight. It had mainly been Adam complaining about his (lack of) love life, and Aaron occasionally ' _mm_ 'ing and nodding.

"What's the matter mate?"

"Dunno what you mean." Aaron shrugs, keeping his eyes on the condensation on the glass of his beer rather than meeting his friends eyes.

"I mean you've been in a vile mood all afternoon. And I've given you about ten reasons to rib me and you ain't said a word. Is it about a guy? You can tell me."

"Nah, it's nothing."

"Come on, your face is looking even grumpier than normal. Is it that Ed you went out with last week?" Aaron rolls his eyes, wishing he'd never even said anything about that, the nurses name seeming to fall from a few different lips over the past week. Gossip spreads quickly in such a small village.

"No, it's not him."

"Someone else?" Aaron bites his lip, an internal battle of whether or not to let Adam know what's going on. He supposes it would be nice to get someone else's opinion. He keeps the facts loose.

"Yeah," he sighs, "not a word to my mum though, alright?"

"Deal."

"There's a guy... Robert. He was a bit of a dickhead when I first met him but then he started getting better and opening up more and more and we were getting on really well. He was who I went to see _Goldfinger_ with," Adam nods, remembering Aaron mentioning it and saying he was going with a friend, to which Adam asked when Aaron had gotten another friend but him, "I guess it was like a date but we didn't call it that. Then we've just been getting close and we had, I dunno... something there. Then, he goes and asks Ed out for me! He wasn't even jealous, let me borrow one of his shirts and everything. Then last week when I went to see him, he refused to see me, and told me to leave him alone." Aaron huffs, "I don't know what to do Adam."

"You really like this guy?"

"Yeah," Adam watches a silly smile come to Aaron's face, "I really do."

"Maybe he _was_ jealous. That's why he didn't wanna see ya, he didn't want to hear about your date with this Ed."

"Nah, he's gorgeous, and I'm..." he shrugs, "me. He's older too."

"Ooh, an older man, eh?" Aaron blushed at the teasing. "Come on Aaron, you'll never know if you never try." He nods, Adam was right (that wasn't something he'd usually think), even if Robert was grumpy today, he still wanted him and he'd be left wondering ' _what if_ ' if he didn't even try to see if the blonde felt the same. 

He slips his phone out of his pocket, finding Robert's recent contact and composing a message.

_Hey. Are you okay? You can tell me if something has happened. Call me anytime._

_Delivered 22:13._

_Read 22:14._

•

Robert watches as his phone flashes with Aaron's name, he was surprise Aaron was even messaging after what had happened earlier. Perhaps he was texting to have a go at him; he swipes his thumb across the screen to see what he'd written. 

_Hey. Are you okay? You can tell me if something has happened. Call me anytime._

Robert sighs _, why can Aaron just be an arsehole?_ Anyone else probably wouldn't want to speak to Robert ever again, but no, not Aaron. His kindness was definitely making it harder for Robert to get over him. He swipes his thumb across the screen once again, deleting the message before turning off his phone. He wishes deleting a message from your phone also deleted them from your memory. Aaron wasn't going to be that easy to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the love <3
> 
> Eeeeep, it's REUNION WEEK!! I'm so excited!!!


	14. 29.06.2012

"Thanks for the lift." Aaron slams the car door shut on Adam's old banged up Land Rover. It was a miracle the thing still worked, let alone managed to get them from Emmerdale to Hotten without breaking down. 

"Wait!" Adam rolls down the car window, getting Aaron's attention, "I drive you all the way here and I don't even get to meet this Robert?"

"Why on earth would you want to meet him?"

"Because I wanna see your fancy man!" He protests, Aaron rolls his eyes. He didn't know what he was going to walk into today when he went to Robert's room. The last time they spoke hadn't ended well, and then Robert had never replied to his text. He wasn't going to lie and say that didn't hurt, just a little bit. Aaron knows there's something going on with Robert, and he's certainly not going to open up if Adam is around.

"I showed you a photo... oh." Aaron's face lights up as if a lightbulb had switched on in his brain. He's remembering last Friday night when Adam had practically forced him to show him a photo of Robert, and he'd managed to find Victoria on Facebook and an old picture of Robert and Vic together. Although, after seeing the photo, Adam had no interest in Robert, but rather his beautiful little sister. "This isn't about Robert at all, is it? It's about Vic."

"What? No it isn't!" He shakes his head, his face a picture of innocence. 

"You well fancy her!" Aaron laughs, as Adam's already undoing his seatbelt and getting out of his car. "She might not even be visiting today."

"I thought you said she comes every other Friday or Wednesday." Adam reminds him, the man hardly remembered anything but obviously his lack of memory didn't apply if it came to pretty girls.

"I knew it was about Victoria!"

"Oh, come on mate. Please! She might be the love of my life."

"Alright." Aaron huffs, knowing there was no way he was going to win this conversation, "You come in, but if she isn't there, then you go straight away."

"Course. Wouldn't want to get in the way of your one on one time with lover boy." He jabs him in the side, a cheeky smile on his face.

"He's not my lover boy." Aaron huffs.

"Not yet. But you wish he was."

" _Shut up_ and go inside before I change my mind."  

•

Aaron makes sure to introduce Adam to Eileen first. She'd pinched his cheeks and told him how handsome he was, which made Aaron giggle into his hands. 

His best friend looks at him with wide eyes, as if begging to Aaron to let him escape the old woman's grip.

"Nice to meet you, Eileen." He smiles, pulling himself out of Eileen's hold, surprised how strong she was for such a small person.

"You too, dear!" She waves as Adam slips out into the hall, making his getaway. Aaron laughs, pressing a kiss to Eileen's cheek.

"Good work. Think you scared him."

"I try my best," she grins, looking quite proud of herself, before her face goes a little somber again, her hand resting on Aaron's forearm, "Aaron. He's not any better." Aaron knows instantly who he is talking about, without her having to say a name, "don't ever tell him I said this, but the past few weeks I was beginning to like him. He was smiley and polite - well as polite as Robert can be. You were really helping him. I don't understand what's happened?"

"Neither do I." He sighs, slumping, "I'm trying to sort it."

"Good." She nods, "cause I know you like him and all, but when he's in a bad mood it makes us all feel grumpy - even if he doesn't leave his room!"

"Okay, I'll see what I can do. And maybe if Adam visits again, don't scare him as much." He winks at her with a grin, before joining Adam in the hall, getting ready to see Robert. He half hopes Victoria is there, he knows Robert wouldn't enjoy Aaron bringing Adam into his personal space but he also hopes she isn't, so he can actually have a conversation with Rob and attempt to understand what's going on in the blondes mind.

His wondering didn't last long as he hears Victoria shout 'come on' after he knocks. He goes in first, Adam a few steps behind him.

"Hi." He smiles shyly, Robert was still in bed, in his pajamas, sitting up with his back against the headboard. He doesn't fail to notice Robert doesn't even attempt to look at him, his eyes staying focused on either his lap or Victoria.

"Hello," Victoria smiles back, sweet as ever, although Aaron can tell her face looks tired and frustrated, he wonders if Robert was the cause of her frustrations, "how're you?"

"Good thanks." He steps to the side, Adam coming into her view properly. It only takes a moment for Aaron to realise the look of interest in Vic's face. "Victoria, Robert... this is my best mate Adam - Adam, Vic," he tilts his head towards her, "And Robert." He looks to the blonde on the bed, he only raises his head slightly in acknowledgment. Adam's eyes are staying locked on Victoria.

"Hi, nice to meet you," she grins, holding out a hand to shake Adam's, "nice to meet you. Are you volunteering too?" Aaron sniggers.  

"No," Adam shakes his head, "just a mate of Aaron's. I was just dropping him off and wanted to have a look around."

"He's being nosy." Aaron digs his elbow into Adam's side, trying to keep the mood up, but he knows Robert has no interest in anything they're saying.

"Cool, I was actually just inviting Robert to mine for lunch on Sunday actually. Why don't you come, Aaron? Or both of you? The more, the merrier."

"No, they don't want to. Right?" Robert interjects, finally speaking, giving Aaron a glare, showing him exactly what he wants the younger man to say.

"They can speak for themselves." She raises her eyebrows at her brother.

"I'd love to," Aaron grins, enjoying winding Robert up. "Adam would too." He doesn't even need to ask his best mate, there is a smitten look on his face and he knows he'd relish in spending more time with Victoria.

"Great," she clasps her hands together in front of her face in glee, "is about one okay? I'll message you the address."

"Perfect." Aaron watches Robert slump in his position. He wished for a moment Vic and Adam weren't there so he could question why exactly Robert had been ignoring him. "I best be off. I've got work in half an hour. Nice to meet you, Adam. I'll see you both on Sunday!"

"Um, Adam... why don't you walk Victoria out?" He raises his eyebrows at his friend, telling him it wasn't a question he could say no to, though he doubts he would anyway. 

"Sure! I'll meet you out by the car?"

"Okay. I don't know how long I'll be."

"No rush," he smiles wide, watching Victoria press a quick kiss to her brothers forehead and goes to follow her out, "see you Sunday, Robert." He gives a small wave, but only receives a grunt in response. Aaron waits until the door is closed signalling Victoria and Adam were gone before making his way over to Robert. He takes a seat in the chair beside his bed.

"You better make sure he doesn't go near my sister." Robert's clenching his jaw, clearly sending the tension with the new addition to his sisters life.

"I can't stop them."

"I will then." He crosses his arms, pouring. Oh, how Aaron wished he could lean over and kiss the pout from his lips.

"They're both adults," Aaron scoffs, "I don't want to talk about them. I want to talk about you, and why you've been ignoring me." Robert sighs, he'd not expected Aaron to get straight to the point like that. 

"I haven't been."

"Yes you have. Since that date with Ed. You wouldn't speak to me last week and you didn't reply to my messages. So what's going on?" 

"I don't understand why you care. I don't get why you're trying to be my friend."

"'Coz I like you." That makes Robert soften for a moment, and he narrows his eyes at Aaron, a warm feeling inside his stomach, "I like spending time with you - is that a problem?"

"N-no, I guess not."

"Great." He relaxes into the chair, grabbing one of Robert's magazines and starting to flick through it. Robert smiles a little to himself, no matter what he did, Aaron wouldn't leave him alone - maybe he should enjoy it for as long as it will last. It's not something he's really used to - someone genuinely enjoying his company and liking him for him.

"What about your mate?" Robert reminds him, Adam would be waiting. Aaron shrugs.

"He can wait."

•

"Oi," Adam huffs as Aaron gets into his car, "I've been waiting half an hour."

"I would say I'm sorry but I'm not."

"Brilliant, thanks mate." He turns on the engine, "You didn't tell me Robert was a patient. I thought he worked here... you never said about his wheelchair."

"He's not a patient. He's a resident. This isn't a hospital, ya know. And what does it matter if he's in a wheelchair?"

"Right, sorry. It's just... after Jackson and everything, are you sure it's a good idea?" That earns him a glare from Aaron as he crosses his arms, and he knows he's said something wrong, "I mean-"

"I know what you meant." He grits his teeth, turning away from his mate and looking out the window, "just drive me home, Adam." 


	15. 01.08.2012

"You brought beer?" Aaron scoffs as they stand outside Victoria's flat building. The place was quite impressive and Aaron wonders how someone so young managed to afford something so luxurious, knowing his wage from Uncle Cain's garage would get him a cardboard box to live in if he was lucky.

"Yeah. What's wrong with that?" Adam clutches his six pack, watching Aaron press the buzzer to flat 5 ' _Victoria Sugden_ '.

"It's Sunday lunch. What if she doesn't like beer?" Adam shrugs. He hadn't really thought about it.

"Well what did you bring?"

"Wine and chocolates." He hitches his backpack on his shoulders, as the door buzzes to let them in.

"You did?" Adam's eyes go wide, "swap with me."

"What? No!" 

"Please mate. I wanna impress her." He pouts, pressing the button for the lift. Aaron absentmindedly wonders if Vic picked this place because it has a lift so Robert could visit. "I really like this girl." Aaron sighs, pulling the pack off his shoulders and opening up his bag, he pulls out the wine and chocolates - biting his bottom lip, he wanted to impress Vic too. He wanted Robert's little sister to like him as stupid as it sounded.

"We'll say we both got all of it, alright?" Adam smiles, nodding his head.

"Thanks mate." He nudges his arm as they get into the lift. Aaron feels his heart flutter a bit, sure he'd spent a little time with Robert outside of the care home but this felt different, it felt personal and the pressure was on. Victoria's door was orange and bright, just like Aaron imagined her place to be. Adam's wrapping his knuckles against the door before Aaron can take a breath.

When the door is pulled open, Aaron can hear faint music ringing out behind her. Victoria's attention immediately goes to Adam but Aaron doesn't really care too much about that.

"Hi! Come on in!" She opens the door wider, leading them in. Her flat was on the fifth floor and she had a nice view over Leeds. "Robert's just through there." She tilts her head, Aaron assumes towards the living room. 

"We got you these." Adam pushes their ( _Aaron's_ ) gifts towards her.

"Thanks! That's so nice of you, I'll pop the wine and beers in the fridge."

"I'll give you a hand!" Adam insists following her through to the kitchen while Aaron goes in search of Robert. He finds him sat in his wheelchair, facing out of one of the large windows. The older man looks as if he's in another world and didn't even seem to notice Aaron at all.

"Hi." Aaron speaks quietly, not to startle the blonde. Robert's eyes flick over to him, Aaron thinks he sees his eyes light up a little but he pushes that away and accounts it to wishful thinking.

"Hiya." Robert smiles softly as Aaron walks to stand beside him, looking out at the skyline too. "Pretty impressive right?"

"Yeah," Aaron nods, "never seen it like this except for on the tele and that."

"Mm, it took me ages to convince Vic to get this place, it was expensive but that..." he indicates to the view, "is so worth it."

"Definitely. How long has she had this place?" 

"A year. Got it with my compensation money." Aaron tries not to look surprised but the expression is already on his face before he can stop it, "that's why it took so long to convince her. She didn't wanna spend my money."

"How come..." Aaron pauses, wondering if he's being inappropriate. He liked when Robert would have spells of being completely honest and hope and Aaron sometimes had to push those times to get as many answers as he could from Rob, "how come you don't live here? With her?"

"I did. For a bit. But she's got studies and a job to juggle, it wasn't fair on her being so young and having to look after me too."

"I'm sure she didn't mind."

"No. but I did." Robert catches his eye, and decides in the pause of conversation to change direction, "where's your mate?"

"Oh, um. Just helping Vic in the kitchen."

"Best go see what they're up to then." He turns his chair around, traveling to the kitchen obviously wanting to interrupt Victoria and Adam. Aaron hears muffled voices through the wall, Victoria saying lunch would be ready soon and to get themselves to the table. 

Adam appears a few moments later, drinks in hand and placing them down on the place settings Vic had obviously already set up before they'd arrived. Aaron spots he and Adam were sat beside each other, and Robert was opposite him and Victoria opposite Adam. Cozy. 

"How's it going?" Aaron asks, keeping his voice low, knowing the two Sugden siblings would be able to hear him.

"Great until big brother came in." He huffs, pulling out his chair and taking a seat. 

"You've got time yet." Adam just nods, his face still staying a little grumpy.

•

"Beer?" Adam offers over dinner, hand outstretched to Robert. The blonde moves over to take it only for Aaron to grab his wrist and stop him.

"You're not suppose to drink with your pain medication." Robert clenches his jaw but puts his arm down under Aaron's gaze. Victoria watches the interaction curiously, before she slips an orange juice in front of Robert.

"Brilliant, thanks." He says but it doesn't sound sincere, it makes him feel like a child that everyone is watching over.

"So, Aaron - do you work at the farm with Adam?" Robert feels relieved at the question, pleased his sister was acting like Rob hadn't already given her all the information he'd known about Aaron Livesy already. 

"Nah, I work at my uncles garage as a mechanic. Not sure I'd be able to cope working with 'im!"

"You love me!" Adam protests, and Robert watches Aaron bristle at the comment. Huh, maybe the pair hadn't always been just friends. 

"Whatever," Aaron shrugs it off, "dunno why I'm even mates with you." Victoria laughs, so Adam's pleased. There's an easy energy between the two of them and he thinks Adam is definitely going to owe him for introducing him to Victoria.

•

"Aaron please," Adam speaks under his breath, "he won't let me get anywhere near her. I just need five minutes." Aaron scoffs.

"That's all it takes, eh?" He teases.

"Please! I wanna ask her out next week." He pouts, and Aaron feels almost a little sorry for him with Robert's one man show of keeping the two apart. "Besides it's not like I'm the only one who wants a bit of alone time with a Sugden."

"Shut up." He rolls his eyes, turning his attention back to the Sugden siblings. "I'll sort it... hey, Vic. Adam was wondering if you wanted a hand clearing up in the kitchen?" 

"Yeah that would be great."

"I can-" Robert starts, only to be cut off by Aaron.

"Adam's a dab hand at doing the dishes." Robert sends him a glare before watching his little sister wander through to the kitchen with the annoyingly chirpy friend of Aaron's. 

"I know what you're doing and I don't like it." Robert growls, wheeling himself over to the sofa and moving himself to sit on the soft couch; Aaron was always impressed he was strong enough to lift his whole body from one place to another. Aaron takes a seat beside him, they're legs pressed together. Robert wishes he could feel the pressure of Aaron's leg knocking against his own.

"He's a good guy."

"Not good enough for Vic." He bites back, slumping in his chair, pout on his lips. Aaron thinks it makes him look like a sulking child.

"You're her brother. I doubt you think anyone is good enough for her."

"That would be cause they're not."

"Sure, sure. She's old enough to make her own decisions."

"She's eighteen, hardly full of wisdom!" He huffs, Aaron clearly not understanding that he didn't want his little sister with some buffoon farmers son. 

"I don't wanna fight with ya, Rob." He sighs.

"I just," Robert pauses, "I don't want her to make the same mistakes I have, trying to pursue someone who isn't right for you."

"I think everyone does that." Aaron tilts his head, trying to lock his eyes with Robert's, he braves it, reaching out a hand to put on Rob's forearm, "it's not something you can control." Robert glances down at the hand on his arm, before pulling it away and looking away from Aaron. He couldn't cope with someone looking at him like that - like he was a good person, like he was nice and kind. He was anything but. "Adam really helped me when I lost Jackson, maybe just give him a chance?"

"Alright," Robert nods, before he seems to pause, debating on his next words, it wasn't something Aaron noticed Robert usually did, "was Adam the person you pursued who wasn't right for you?"

"One of them, yeah." Aaron bites his bottom lip, "I was confused and I got friendship mixed up with love I guess. We're cool now but it was difficult at the time, ya know?"

"Of course," Robert did know - in a way. The thing was, whoever Robert wanted, Robert got. He never quite understood the concept of unrequited love, "but all of your family know now?" 

"Yeah. Could hardly hide it when it was all over the papers."

"Right," Robert nods, "that must have been hard." Aaron shrugs.

"It was alright when I had Jackson. Even if everyone else was dragging me down or callin' me names, I had someone who loved me. I know it was what he wanted but it was the hardest thing to go through all of that with him and then after it all without him." Robert feels his heart swell, whenever they'd spoken most of the time, it had been Robert telling Aaron his life story and now it was Aaron telling him private things. It felt nice to be trusted with such sensitive feelings. Rob takes a breath, moving his arm over and taking Aaron's hand in his, it felt warm and clammy to the touch. He knows he pulled away earlier but the second he'd done it, he wished he didn't. His body longed to reach out to Aaron, and find comfort in him.

"You're so brave." Robert tells him earnestly, he hopes Aaron knows he meant it. "You're amazing for getting through that." Aaron gives him a watery smile, the hand that wasn't intertwined with Robert's brushes at his eyes, taking away the tears prickling there. Aaron opens his mouth to speak, only to stop when Victoria and Adam come bundling through the doorway. Robert slips his hand out of Aaron's, his cheeks going pink. He wonders if Victoria saw they were holding hands, if she did, he's pleased she hadn't said anything.

"Wanna play Monopoly?!" 


	16. 13.07.2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - there is a slur about disability used
> 
> THANK YOU FOR THE LOVELY COMMENTS! I'm sorry I've been gone so long it was partly because I haven't been in the mood to write but also because I've started a new job and need to concentrate on that but hopefully I'll be able to get my head back in the game again :)

"Aaron?"

"Vic?" Aaron groans, his voice laced with sleep. He rubs at his eyes, glancing at the alarm clock beside his bed - _2:24 am_.

"Sorry to wake you. It's just... Janice has just called - Robert's had a fall. They're taking him to the hospital now."

"What? Is he alright?"

"I dunno, Aaron," her tone betrays how worried she is, "they didn't really say."

"Okay, I'll meet you there." Aaron's already crawling out of his bed, looking for the closest clean clothes he could find.

"I was hoping you'd say that. I'm in London right now so I can't be back until mid morning. Are you sure you're okay to go?"

"Course. Is he going to Leeds General?"

"Yeah, he should already be there by the time you get there."

"Alright Vic, I'll keep you updated."

"Thank you. It means a lot to me to know he's got you." Aaron can hear the tremble in her voice.

"Sure, I'll give you a call once I've seen him."

"Cheers Aaron."

•

Once he gets through the door of finally tracking down where Robert was, he sees Robert lying on the bed, his ankle raised and in a cast. He gives Hannah, the carer beside him a little smile as he comes in.

"What happened?"

"I just wanted a piss." Robert groans, "my foot got trapped by the bed and I took a tumble. It was nothing."

"His ankle is broken." Hannah tells him, arms crossed.

"Exactly. It was nothing. Not like I can feel it." Robert jokes, only to get a glare from both Aaron and Hannah. "Oh come on." He rolls his eyes.

"I'm going to get a tea. Do you want anything, Aaron?" Hannah asks, with her always gentle smile.

"Yeah. Tea would be great."

"I'll have tea too. Thanks for the offer." Robert adds sarcastically, as Hannah leaves the room. Aaron just gives him a look, "what?"

"You need to be more careful. What if you'd hit your head when you fell? You know you're suppose to ask for help when going to the bathroom in the middle of the night."

"I pressed my panic button, did I?" Robert snaps back, Aaron knows that's not what Robert would have done a few months ago. He would have tried to sort himself out and if he couldn't, he would have waited until morning to be found.

"Good. I'm glad you did. Just be more careful, okay?" Aaron takes a seat beside his bed, resting a hand on Robert's forearm.

"I'll try." Robert mumbles, and it makes Aaron smile wide, relishing in the progress Robert had been making. He couldn't help but hope he was trying to make Aaron happy. "You didn't have to come, you know."

"Vic called me, she was worried and asked me to come." Robert nods, feeling a rush of disappointment. "But I would have come even if she didn't. I was worried too when she told me."

"You were?"

"Of course I was. Besides, I would have be angry if I turned up at Janice's at three o'clock this afternoon and your foot was all bandaged up and you didn't call me."

"You care about me." Robert didn't mean to mumble his thoughts out loud, but he sees the pinkness of Aaron's cheeks at his words and doesn't mind embarrassing himself a little if he gets Aaron's face to look like that. 

"I do." He confirms, squeezing his arm a little. Aaron slips away from Robert's touch as Hannah comes back, balancing three cups of tea in her hands. Aaron knows she already saw his previous action but he's grateful she doesn't say anything.

"Doctor says you'll be good to go in ten minutes or so." Robert nods, pleased to get out of the hospital, he'd spent too much of his life here already after his accident. He thinks Aaron must feel the same after Jackson. "Just have to sign a few forms. I'll grab them." Hannah turns to Aaron, giving him a sly wink before she mouths ' _go for it_ ' at him.. Aaron's eyes go wide - _shit, she knows_. "I'll be back in ten minutes." She announces to them both, leaving the room and the two of them alone again.

"Rob?" "Aaron?"

They both speak at the same time, both blushing and encouraging the other to go first. 

"You go." Aaron nods at him.

"Okay," Robert glances down at his lap, playing with his fingers, "I'm going to apply to move out of Janice's."

"What?" Aaron frowns - that wasn't what he was expecting.

"I want to move in by myself, maybe somewhere in Hotton."

"You can't." 

"Why not?" Robert clenches his jaw, he expected Aaron to be pleased for him, that he would be proud of his progress.

"You can't look after yourself."

"I can. Just because I'm in a wheelchair, it doesn't mean I'm incapable. I can get someone to help in my new home. The only reason I'm at Janice's is because Vic didn't want me to be alone."

"Maybe being alone isn't what's best for you." Aaron worries, knowing the way Robert can sometimes go into himself. Sure, he's improved since Aaron had known him but it would be easy to slip back into.

"Yeah, because you know what's best for me. I thought you'd be happy for me, that I'm trying to get a bit of independence."

"Robert, you're lying in a hospital bed after falling over in the middle of the night. What would you have done if you weren't at the home?" 

"I can still have a panic button at home." Robert protests, feeling his excitement disappearing. He'd hoped Aaron thought it would be a great idea. Robert had been thinking about Hotton on purpose, knowing it wouldn't be too far from Aaron's home in Emmerdale.

"Well, have you told Victoria? What has she said about it?"

"I'm 26, I can look after myself. I don't need my little sisters permission to leave somewhere that I'm paying for!"

"I didn't say you did. I just think you'll need help."

"Plenty of people in wheelchairs live on their own just fine, I could do it. I'm still pretty mobile. I'm an invalid like Jackson." Robert knows he shouldn't have said it once the words were out and he sees Aaron's face turn to pure anger.

"Whatever, Robert. Do whatever the hell you like." He shakes his head, storming out the door.

"Aaron! Wait!" He shouts after him, wishing he could just run after the man but he knows he can't.

"Whoa, what happened?" Hannah returns, just having Aaron run past her, almost knocking her over. 

"Nothing. Can I go home now?"

•

Robert wasn't used to the emotion of guilt. It definitely wasn't a regular occurrence in the pit of his stomach. He hated that look of disgust on Aaron's face. He'd promised himself that after the first time of hurting Aaron by bringing up Jackson that he wouldn't do it again. But Aaron wasn't listening to him and he was doubting him. Robert didn't deal well with people who don't agree with him and he wanted to hurt Aaron, just for a moment. So, he went for the jugular.

Robert's been turning his phone in his hand for the last hour, wanting to reach out to Aaron and apologise but his pride was stopping him. He didn't want to lose face but he also didn't want to lose Aaron. He plucks up the courage, knowing he was in the wrong and types out a string of messages.

_I'm sorry._

_I was completely out of order and shouldn't have said anything about Jackson._

_It wasn't fair._

_Please forgive me._

Robert's hands tremble at the response.

_Go to hell, Robert._


End file.
